


Find Me When I Need To Be Found

by boyfriendsinboyband



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Depression, Eventual Smut, Homophobia, M/M, Slow Build, Top Harry, Top Louis, and, happy!louis, harry is 23, it will be both, louis is 21, okay in this story louis' father is still mark, sad!harry, simple bcz i can't choose a favourite, travel AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:18:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boyfriendsinboyband/pseuds/boyfriendsinboyband
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what do you do when your life is falling apart? you get on a random train of course.<br/>what do you do when you meet a stranger on the train who is polar opposite to you? you fall in love with him of course.<br/>if only life was that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is inspired by an indian film 'jab we met'. if you haven't seen it, don't google it! it will ruin the surprise :( but if you have seen it, still give it a try because everything is better with harry and louis in it and this is not going to be an exact carbon copy of the film :)
> 
> also this is my first fic ever! i'm nervous. so, please leave your opinions and comments. and sorry for any mistake in advance.
> 
> this is work of fiction. i don't own one direction (i wish) nor am i anyway associated with them, so enjoy!!

 

On 20th December when the alarm goes off at 7 a.m., Harry is already awake- has been for 2 hours. He is just lying there with his eyes stilled on the ceiling of his room.

But the shriek sound of the alarm jolts him back to reality. It’s like, in the eerie silence of his house he almost forgot that he still exists- still alive. He wasn't supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to wake up today.

He needs to get out of the bed, he knows that. But the air in the room is weighing him down. His eyes feel gritty from lack of blinking. His mouth dry and still tastes of alcohol.

He brings his hands up to wipe down his face when he notices the crinkled paper in his fist. He opens it and tries to read the words written in his own messy fonts.

_To you it’s just a thorn of rose you want to trim, for me it’s thousand needles running in my veins I can’t get out; you say it’s just teal, a kind of blue; I say it’s not burgundy, the kind of purple; you think it’s just a day, what’s the big deal; I think it’s the end of an era; end of me. maybe in a different life, where I am enough, maybe in a distant universe, where you stayed; I’ll tell you, tell you it’s not just a dress, it’s my dream,..my hopeless dreams stitched together, just to be torn apart._

He balls up the paper and throws it across the room. One more crazy scribble of his alcohol-induced mind.

He doesn't have a headache though. Which is not so surprising. His body knows the routine now.

Wake up. Make tea and toast. Eat (or not). Take freezing cold shower. Put on an expensive suit. Drive to office. Work. Come back home. Drink to sleep.

Today though, he breaks the routine. Because, today is special. he turns his head and looks at the pink and blue card lying on his night stand. 

He gets up. Doesn't bother with breakfast, takes a hot shower.

Then puts on a crispy white shirt and a pitch black new suit and trousers. Today he doesn't need a tie, but he does put a white, folded handkerchief in his pocket. He styles his hair with a fringe, rather than his daily quiff. Sprays on his most expensive cologne. Puts on a pair of shiny black shoes and his platinum Rolex.

He takes one last look in the mirror and the man who blinks back at him seems like a stranger, but that’s okay. At least he is looking in the mirror- unlike other days.

He tucks one last curl behind his ear. And then he is ready.

He is ready to go to a wedding.

 

~`*`~

 

He walks to the bus stop near his house. He never really noticed the cherry blossom tree there. But then again, he never took a bus...so he can’t be blamed really.

Across the street, there is a flower shop. He used to go there a lot- to buy chrysanthemum. He doesn't need to do that anymore. The young girl spots him and smiles anyway. He smiles back – it’s good practice, he is going to need to do that a lot today. A middle aged women walks in the shop then and comes back seconds later with a bundle of white roses. For some reason that makes him think about all the people who are going to die today. He wishes he was one of them.

_Death._

_Peace._

_The end._

When he was little, those two words at the end of every book used to make him sad. It meant the end of the adventure, end of spending time with the characters he has started loving so much. Right now, he can’t wait for his story to be over.

The fact that no one will feel sad about his ‘ _The End’_ , doesn't bother him so much, not anymore.

 

In a bus full of sleepy uni students and early workers carrying fake Gucci purse, he is a stark contrast. But he is so lost looking out the window that he misses the whispers and theories.

It’s not until he has to get down at his stop and gets asked to pay his fare that he realizes he didn't bring any cash.

A boy with UCL backpack and a sleepy face offers to pay for him.

He gives away the Rolex to the wide eyed teenager.

 

~`*`~

 

The venue is swarming with people by the time he gets there. The colour theme is teal and white. _It was supposed to be beige and burgundy._ There are roses everywhere. _They were supposed to be orchids._ He spots the couple and makes his way towards them. The whispers follow him like a hive of bees.

The groom sees him first and extends his hand. “Mr. Styles. I’m so glad you could make it.” He says while shaking Harry’s hand.

Harry smiles. Puts pressure on his cheek so the dimples pop out, makes it look real. He can’t do anything else.

The bride is next to them, talking to one of the guests. She looks over to him then and smiles the same smile she’s giving to every other guest.

“Congratulations. You both make a perfect couple.” He is surprised by how deep his voice sounds.

“Thank you. We are really glad you could make it.” _Breathe._ “Oh, excuse me, my mum is calling us. Charles, come on.” She says cheerfully.

“I’ll see you later, hopefully.” Charles says before being dragged away.

He looks around then. There are more pairs of eyes are on him than on the people who are getting married.

_In. out._

Harry walks out there and stands on the pavement filling his lungs with fresh air.

He wishes every car passing by, would take a small piece of him with them; wishes by the end of this day he longer exists.

He looks up at the sky and the white clouds look strange, they can’t decide whether to slide away and make way for a golden sun or fill the day with constant shower; as if they are on a balance rope. One push and it could all end. Perfect for a day like this. They know too much.

He needs to go to his office, needs to finalize a multimillion dollars contract.

But not today. Not now.

_Now_ , he needs to get away.

 

~`*`~

 

He is lucky enough to get a cab at the rush hour in central London.

“Station. Please.” He says before the driver can even ask, ’Where to?’

They are nearly 10 minutes away from the station when they get stuck in traffic.

And simultaneously, Harry gets stuck in his head. Feels like his mind is strangling him. He tries to pretend the tears forming in his eyes are from that pressure and nothing else. He needs to get out. He just needs to breathe.

But he still doesn't have any cash.

He gives the driver his cuff links and get out the cab in the middle of a road.

He is not lucky enough to be run over.

On his way to his station he takes out his wallet and sees the credit cards there. He stops in front of an ATM to cash out 2 grand. His wallet is so much heavier when he puts it back in.

Another thing pulling him down.

Just his luck.

 

~`*`~

 

“Excuse me, sir.” The girl on the other side of the counter says. “Sir!” she repeats when she doesn't get a response. Harry snaps back to reality. He is at the front of the cue now. But he still doesn't know _‘Where to.’_

“Um. Give me a ticket for the next train leaving the station.” He says and prays she heard him because he can’t hear himself over the loud thoughts in his mind.

“What?” she blinks.

But when he doesn't say anything else, she mutters something along the line of ‘Freak show’ and prints out his ticket. That’s alright. It’s not like Harry can hear anything other than the blood running through his veins a little too fast and a voice at the back of his mind saying, _‘you tried. You failed. You lost. How many more before you stop?’_

“Platform no. 6. Hurry up, it leaves in 5 minutes.”

Harry takes his ticket and makes his way towards platform 6.

He gets on the train and finds two sits by the window, both empty.

He plops down on one and closes his eyes. And hopes he never opens them again.

Hopes, this one time someone will listen to him.

 

~`*`~

 

“Hello?”

“Um, Mr. seat stealer?”

“Excuse me, sleeping beauty!”

“Jesus Christ, someone kiss this Disney princess awake!”

The voice of a menacing 5 year old slices through Harry’s sleep. He opens his eyes in narrow slits and the only thing in vision is a pair of bright blue eyes, a face is too close to Harry’s own for his comfort. On instinct he pulls back and his head makes soft collision with the back of the seat.

“Um..” he prompts, hoping the man would get away from him.

He does. And then claps his hands together and says, “So, now that you are awake, do you mind moving?”

Oh. So, it wasn't a 5 years old then. It’s a 5 years old trapped in an adult man’s body. Okay, disturbing thoughts. Harry crunches up his eyebrows and looks up at the boy.

“It’s _my_ seat.” The boy explains, pointing at the seat Harry is currently sitting. “I have the ticket to prove it.”

Harry stares pointedly at the seat opposite to him- still empty. But blue eyes are still looking at him expectedly, luggage still in his hand. Without saying another word Harry gets up and sits down on the seat facing the previous one.

The stranger starts tucking in his luggage then and never stops talking. “I almost missed the train you know? Got lucky, though. Just one ticket was left. Knocked down at least three suitcases while running towards the platform. I mean only 30 seconds or so was left, can you really blame me? I don’t think so. It’s your fault you placed your luggage in the way of my running. Not everyone can afford to be at station 2 hours prior now, can they? People have jobs, last minute goodbyes, forgotten phone chargers, sleeping through alarms; it’s only human, right?”

Harry tuned him out 5 minutes ago and is now staring out the window. He can see the cars and skyscrapers and the sun shining on top of them. He never thought London to be this beautiful. The man follows his line of vision and sighs.

“I know right? London. People always complain about how it’s so populated, how it’s so damn polluted. But god, isn't that hypocritism? That’s a word right? Anyways, what I mean is like, you are a part of that population yourself. It’s people like us, who come from different places, make this place so crowded, so how are you complaining? I mean, your car emits smoke too, you are also polluting. It’s not like the city is polluting itself, so stop blaming it. Christ.”

He genuinely sounds offended. But when Harry doesn't say anything, he turns to face Harry and pokes him on the knee.

“So, where are you from?” he asks in a way too cheery voice for Harry to handle today. But anything to stop this human walky-talky.

“London.” He mumbles.

“Oh, well I’m sorry for populating and polluting your city for the last 3 and half years then. Won’t happen again. I’m never coming back here. Well, don’t get offended. It’s not like I don’t like it here, but New York is more appealing to me.” he earnestly nods to himself. “It’s much more like me, you know. Spontaneous. But for now, I’m going to Manchester. From there I’ll go to Doncaster. My family lives there. You know, I have 5 sisters. Can you believe? Five! But thank god I finally got a brother. But he is like 7 months now. It’s so long before I’ll be able to play footie with him. I love football. Like, _love_ it. This one time-”

Harry lets takes a deep breath and lets his head fall back against the back of the seat.

“- ManU lost a match against City, and I didn't go to class the next day; I was that upset. My friend, Zayn, literally dragged me out of the bed next morning. I mean I knew Econ lecture is more important than a football match. But it’s just a part of me you know? They lose a match and I’m more upset than the players.”

Harry is not sure how the man is even breathing while talking this fast. He closes his eyes when it gets quiet for a few moments, thinking finally the assault on his ears has stopped. Then-

“Do you know, what I like more than New York? Mountains.” His voice got one octave higher. Harry swears he is no imagining it. “I _love_ mountains. And if you take me skiing there, I’ll be your loyal friend till my last breath.” He places his right hand on his heart. “But I never understood the difference between hill and mountain, though. Do you know? Hey, why are you not talking? I’m trying to have a conversation here.”

“WILL YOU SHUT UP?!” Harry shouts. “Just, SHUT UP! I’ll pay you to shut up, if that’s what you want. I DON’T want to know whether you are going to Manchester or Liverpool. Whether you study economics or physics. I don’t want to know how many SISTERS you have. Just shut up, for god’s sake. It’s giving me a headache. GOD, your voice is giving me a headache!!” harry puts his head in his hands.

After a few minutes of deafening silence, Harry looks up and sees the boy looking at him with big eyes- then he blinks once, twice and shrinks down in his seat, looking even more tiny than he actually is.

Harry bits his lower lip and sighs. _Shit, what’s wrong with me? This is not me._ He mutters very quietly, “Look, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I just had a very long day and-“

It’s like seeing lightning. The way the frown on the boy’s lips evolves into a dazzling smile showcasing white teeth, in a fraction of second.

“It’s okay.” he chirps. “I didn't mind. Actually, I don’t mind about many things lately. You know why?” Harry’s hands are still mid-air from where he was making hand gestures while apologizing. So puts them in his lap and shakes his head dumbly. “Because, I’m getting MARRIED!”

Harry needs to throw up.

He gets up without another word and runs toward the toilet.

 

~`*`~

 

Harry is splashing water on his face when he hears the announcement,

_‘we are sorry to inform you that due to heavy snowfall the train will make an emergency stop at the next station, until the condition improves.’_

He wants to lock himself in the toilet until his lungs run out of air and the steady thud in his head stops.

He doesn't.

When he gets back the boy is staring out the window and eating a biscuit.

“Did you hear the announcement?” he asks before Harry even has a chance to sit down.

“Yeah.” He tries not to winch at the scratchy quality of his voice; result of what he put his throat through just a few minutes ago.

He boy offers him a biscuit, he rejects gently. Just then the train comes to a halt.

“I’m going to get some food. Man, I’m starving. Do you want anything?” the boy asks standing up.

Harry shakes his head and gets a shrug in response. And then he is left alone in an almost deserted train.

 

~`*`~

 

It’s been two hours and the sky is turning orange.

Harry hops down from train, to the platform.

He doesn't know where he is. He can simply look up at the boards hanging all over the station, but he doesn't. The loud menace hasn't come back either. It’s not like he cares though. He walks at the end of the platform and sits down on a bench.

He is still wearing the suit. All of a sudden it feels itchy on his skin, although it’s not touching his skin at all. He takes it off and throws it at the other end of the bench.

He can hear the announcement. Knows his train is going to leave in 10 minutes. He has 10 minutes to convince himself to stand up and walk back to the train, then.

It’s not enough time, apparently.

The last announcement echoes through the speakers and he is still sitting with his head in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees.

Suddenly there is a hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of his reverie.

“Are you deaf? The train is leaving.” Blue eyes are frantic. Looking between Harry and the train at the distant platform rapidly.

“So?” Harry breathes.

“’So?’ Oh my god, are you serious? The train is leaving, you crazy buffoon.” He is panting, like he ran all the way here.

“You should hurry then. And leave me alone.” Harry says flatly.

“Fine, your wish.” The boy spits and sprints towards the direction of the train.

Harry rubs his forehead and throws his head back. The cool metal is digging on the back of his neck, but it’s a welcoming distraction. He wonders how many times he have to fall asleep before he doesn't wake up at all. He closes his eyes anyways, may be third time’s a charm.

 

There’s a heavy jab at his shoulder after a moment and his eyes shoot open.

“Wha-“ his sentence is cut short when he sees raging blue eyes staring right into his.

“YOU!” the boy growls. “You are the reason I missed my train.”

“What?” Harry looks back at the platform and sure enough the blue and red train is gone. Oh. “What do you mean ‘because of me’? Did I tell you to follow me?” he says while shielding his shoulders because for a tiny boy, this one is strong.

“Oh, so this is my fault. You bloody shameless. I was trying to help you. And instead of thanking me, you are treating me like a piece of shit, you bastard.” The boy shouts loud enough for a few people to turn and look at them.

“Okay.” Harry stands up and puts his hands on his hips, trying to appear intimidating. “Thank you. Now, will you leave me alone?”

“Leave you alone?” the boy, who is a good head shorter than him, grabs his collar in both hands and brings him down at his own eye level and one look at those cold blue eyes and Harry’s hands slips from his hips, there is no point in pretending, really. “You really think, _now_ , I will leave you alone?” the boy says in such a soft voice, anyone passing them would think they are about to kiss. But-“YOU ARE THE REASON I’M STANDING IN A GOD FORSAKEN PLATFORM WHILE MY SUITCASE IS HAPPILY GOING TOWARDS MANCHESTER IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED TRAIN. AND I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE?! _YOU_ ARE GOING TO TAKE ME HOME, TO DONCASTER AND _WITH_ MY LUGGAGE. DON’T THINK, YOU CAN ESCAPE BEFORE THEN.” He drops his hands from Harry’s collar and puts them on his hips. “I’m ‘The Tommo’ from Doncaster. You mess with me, you pay.” He curls his bottom lip out and blows air to move the fringe out of his eyes.

Harry blinks. Waits for the boy to show those by-now-familiar white teeth and say something alone the line of ‘Gotcha!’. But when that doesn't come-

Harry runs. Runs for his life.

 

~`*`~

 

He can hear that high pitched voice shouting behind him while he bumps into people, trips on bags and skids on the shiny platform. But he doesn't stop. He gets out of the station and sees a few people getting out of a cab. The cab stops when he raises his hand. Turning around he sees the boy panting- doubled over, hands on his knees.

“Hurry up!” Harry shouts and the moment the boy gets the message he races towards the cab and gets in after Harry.

The streets are almost empty at this time. But the driver doesn't seem to notice it, because he is stopping at every red light, and driving with the speed of a learner, really.

“What the fuck are you doing? We have to reach Stafford before the train leaves there. Drive faster!” Harry is pretty sure his ear drums are torn by now.

“You can’t catch the train anyhow. That’s a train, it’s a car.” The driver sighs.

“Are you an idiot? There is snow on the line, the train is going at snail’s speed, off course we can catch it.”

“Why didn't you walk then? I’m sure you can walk faster than a snail.” The driver teases. The boy is _this_ close to choke the driver. And no, Harry can’t let that happen. Also, if they miss the train again, this boy will be with him even longer. Oh, no. No. this day has been bad enough.

“Stop the car.” He says loud enough for the man in the front seat to hear.

“What?” both boys say at the same time.

Harry ignores the blue daggers pointed at his head and repeats to the driver, “I said, stop the car.”

When he does, Harry gets out.

“What? Your bladder couldn't wait a few more min-“ the boy cuts off mid-sentence when he sees Harry pushing the driver aside and sitting in front of the wheel himself. He takes a deep breath and then, he drives like his life depends on it. In a few ways it does.

“Stop! What are you doing?” the driver shouts and tries to get his hands off the wheel.

“Don’t disturb him. We’ll crash.” The boy says while taking the driver’s hands off Harry’s elbow. He is enjoying this way more than he should, if the goofy smile on his face is anything to go by.

“We’ll crash anyway. Do you see the speed-o-meter? Stop! For god’s sake stop! I’ll drive faster. Just STOP! You’ll destroy my car. What are you doing?”

“Look, do you see what he’s wearing?” the boy reasons while bending over the back of the front seat. “His whole outfit costs at least 10 grand. Imagine how much he has in his bank. I’m telling you he’s a millionaire. If anything happens to your car, he’ll pay for it. Hell, he’ll pay you enough you won’t have to work for the rest of your life.”

Harry is starting to think it was a bad idea. Maybe he should've just run the boy over.

Wow, what a day. It started with him wanting to kill himself and now he wants to kill other people. Stunning progress.

When he can see the station at a distance he takes his wallet from his back pocket and throws it towards the back seat. The boy takes out a couple of notes and puts them in the driver’s hands. The moment they are in front of the station, they both jump out of the car and runs like they are on fire.

The train is there. Harry lets out a relieved sigh, more because he’ll get rid of this menace than he just survived a formula one race.

“Off you go, then.” His morbid tone is not compatible with his cheery words at all.

“What about you?” shorty asks while handing his wallet over.

“Look, you've helped me enough for one day. Don’t try to help me again.” Harry points his index at him.

“Gotcha.” Would've helped if this came in last station.

With that, Harry turns on his heels and walks away.

 

~`*`~

 

Louis stares at the boy’s retreating back. He _did_ look like a Disney princess when he first saw him. But now, as he walks with his head bowed, shoulders slumped, hands in his pockets- he looks like..well, lost.

But Louis is so fucking thirsty he can’t dwell on the subject any longer. This has been way too much activity for someone who didn't get out of their apartment for the last two weeks. He can feel the adrenaline rushing through his body.

The train is on platform 19.

He walks towards a stall and buys a water bottle.

Heaven. This is what heaven must feel like, he think when the cold liquid hits his throat.

He walks back towards the platform and takes another gulp. He is pretty sure, he moans. He takes another swig with his eyes closed and head tipped back. Then another, then one more.

After every last drop has been swallowed he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes and for a moment he is confused, because all he sees are- window after window after window after door after window after window and finally- the other side of the platform.

He turns left and sees the end of the train wiggling away, mocking him.

He drops the empty bottle.

Shit.

 

~`*`~

 

“What do you mean you missed it?”

“Are you sure you’re English? Coz, that was a pretty simple sentence.” Louis tells the man on the other side of the table.

“We announced its departure even 5 minutes before it left the platform.” The man with a horrendous tie informs him. Are those mini bananas?

“Well, I reached the platform only a minute before it left. So.”

“What do you mean ‘reached the platform’? Where were you before that?”

“I was – well, it’s none of your business. Just tell me how I can get my luggage back.” Louis crosses his arms on his chest.

“I’ll inform the authority on the next station. Your luggage will be with them when you reach there.”

“Okey-dokey then.” Louis stands up with a winning smile. “And when is the next train from here?”

“6:10 tomorrow morning.”

“Great.” He claps his hands once ready to leave and book a ticket.

“But there is no vacancy.” Punctures his happy bubble.

”What!” he flops back down. The chair squeaks.

“Sorry, son. It’s Christmas time. What can I tell ya?”

“Well, okay then. Thank you for your help.” He gets up again.

 

~`*`~

 

It’s cold outside.

As in bone clattering cold. And it’s dark.

Louis doesn't know what to do. He could take a bus. But, he has to wait till morning for that. And he is sleepy. He doesn't have much change in his pocket to rent a room.

_Urghh.._

He wants to uproot chocolate curls.

Just when he pulls out his phone to look for the nearest Pizza hut, a hand grabs his elbow. He looks up to see the source and finds a man sitting in a car which is at the side of the road with engine humming low; right hand stretching out of a window and holding onto Louis.

“How much?” he asks with a starchy voice.

“Wh-what?” Louis stutters.

“Come on, baby. Don’t play hard to get. How much?” the hold on is elbow tightens.

“I-I um..I’m not.” He tries to get out of the man’s grasp.

“Baby, not in the car. I’ll take you to my house. Just you and me, no one else, babe. Promise.” Louis starts walking but the man keeps moving his car forward and holds onto his elbow with a death grip.

Just when the man looks forward for a second and loosens his grip, Louis sees him.

Sees the tall figure, with curly hair and white shirt. Like a halo.

 

~`*`~

 

The streets are covered with snow.

Harry doesn't know where he is going.

Doesn't even know where he is supposed to go. He only knows he is in Stafford because ‘The Tommo’ said in the cab.

He thinks about walking back to London. How long is that gonna take? It’s all right. He has all the time in the world. No one is waiting for him at home, not anymore. He thinks about walking to Manchester. He doesn't have anyone in Manchester. Then again, he doesn't have anyone anywhere. He thinks about getting lost in the middle of nowhere. No, that’s not gonna work out. Niall will find him out. That Irish bastard can find anything from anywhere.

He is about to enter an alley when he hears pounding footsteps behind him. He turns around just in time before someone jumps into his arms and peppers his face with kisses.

“Oh, baby. I missed you so much. Let’s go home, love.” And no, NO. This cannot be happening. He knows _that_ voice.

A car stops at their side. Harry holds onto the boy’s waist and turns to look at the man behind the wheel with a scowl on his face. The car speeds off in the distance.

He hears a relieved sigh, a pair of feet hitting the pavement and then he’s there. In front of him. With blue eyes, feathery fringe and huge grin.

“What are you- and who was in the car?” Harry frowns at him.

“He wanted- well, you know. So, sorry about the-“ the boy gestures at his own face. “-like kisses and stuff. Had to get rid of him.”

“Uh-huh.” Harry nods, frown still plastered on his face. “And what exactly are you doing here? Aren't you supposed be on the train?”

The boy lets out a nervous laugh. “So, funny story, yeah?”

“I’m listening…” Harry trails off, narrows his eyes and cocks his head a little.

“I missed the train.”

All emotions drains from Harry’s face. “You are kidding right?”

“No..” the boy says sheepishly.

“What do you mean you missed the train?” Harry asks exasperatedly.

“Why does everyone keep asking that?” he looks genuinely irritated. Harry knows the feeling.

“Because, you were on the platform, the train was on the platform and normal people doesn't understand what could possibly the hardest part in the process of getting inside the train!”

“I was drinking water and-“ Louis murmurs.

“You were drinking water? You couldn't drink water _inside_ the train?” Harry throws his hands in the air with frustration.

“Well, what’s in the past, is in the past. Let’s move on, shall we? Hi! I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson.” He extends his right hand towards Harry. Harry stands there for a moment, thinking he is dreaming. Maybe he is still asleep on the platform of the last station and the last 2 hours did not happen. Eventually though, he gives up.

Harry shakes his hand. “Harry. Harry St- Harry.”  Louis takes his hand away and clutches his chest then.

“Why wouldn't you give me your last name? Are you a serial killer? You’re gonna kill me?!”

Harry smirks. “Yup, you got me. Gonna run back to the station, now?”

“Nope.” Harry’s smirk falls right off his face. “So, where are we going?”

Harry gawks at him. “What?”

“The next train is tomorrow at 6 but it has no vacancy. My luggage is waiting at the next station. But I’m knackered. So, we are going to a hotel, take some rest. Then tomorrow, we are taking a bus, collecting my luggage and then OFF TO DONNY!” his finger is pointing towards the sky at the end of the sentence. And Harry ponders the idea of actually sending Louis or himself, or even better both of them, up there and end this misery.

Harry lets out a deep sigh. “Listen..”

“Look, curly, I saw your wallet remember? I know you are loaded. So don’t even try.” Louis raises his eyebrows.

Harry cocks his head and watches Louis from head to toe and tries to understand if a man like this actually exists how come he never heard of him before, he should be on world news or something.

“Hey!” Louis snaps his fingers in front of Harry’s face. “Can you check me out while we are walking? It’s 2014, babe. Multitask.”

Harry sighs. “Well, lead the way then.”

“What do you mean ‘lead the way’? I've never been here before. I don’t know this place.” Louis pouts.

“Okay, then follow me”

The moment Harry starts walking with long strides, he hears “Hey! Where are taking me?!” from a few steps behind him.

Someone is going to be dead by the end of this night. And he has a feeling, it isn't gonna be him.

 

~`*`~

 

The motel they find is small. But it’ll do for the night.

“Are you okay with one room?” Harry asks as they approach the building.

“What will I do with two rooms?” is what he gets in return.

There is a man reading a magazine over the counter. He looks up when Harry clears his throat.

“Can we get a room?” he asks when they approach the counter.

“Sure you can.” The man says, eyeing Louis with hungry eyes. But Louis is oblivious; humming under his breath, looking around the place, poking the potted plants on the window sill.

“What’s the rate?” Harry asks a little too loudly.

“Depends on how long you need it.” He raises an audacious eyebrow and tips his chin towards Louis’ ass.

Harry tugs Louis towards him then and slides him behind his back, guarding him from the gaze of the hyena.

“We’ll take it for one day.” he decides.

The man’s eyebrows reach his hairline. “Really? A day? You think _he_ can handle it?”

Harry slams his hands on the counter and growls, “Give us a room for a day.”

“A day? Why a day?” chirps peter pan behind him.

“Will you shut up?” Harry whispers, turning his head so Louis can hear.

“Why?” Louis comes in front of him. “Why should I shut up? I mean I appreciate that you are spending money on me, but this is useless. We don’t need a day. We’ll be here for a few hours tops.”

Harry wants to punch Louis, strangle the smirking receptionist and shoot himself in the head.

But he does none. In fact, he shuts up.

“We’ll take it for-“ Louis looks down at his watch, “-5 hours. Yeah, that should do it.”

Harry doesn't interject. Just stands still. Then-

“You’re gonna pay, babe?” Louis hip checks him.

God, this boy is an idiot.

Before Harry can even finish paying, Louis takes the key and starts walking towards their room. “Make it quick! I’m tired, don’t know how long I can stay awake!” he shouts down the hall.

It’s like he’s _trying_ to make it look like what it really isn't.

“You should hurry up then.” The receptionist whispers and adds a wink for extra effect.

Harry rolls his eyes and goes to find room 35.

 

~`*`~


	2. chapter 2

The room is bigger than he expected. The light blue walls have an orange hue due to the light coming from the floor lamp. Louis is sitting on the couch by the window when Harry enters.

Harry goes to the bathroom and when he comes back, Louis says, “Can I take a picture of you?”

Harry stops patting his face with towel and looks at him, confused. “What? Why?”

“To send it to my friend, Zayn. So if anything happens to me, the cops will know who to look for.” Before Harry can even register the sentence in his brain, a flash is going off on his face. “Oh, and don’t try anything funny, I know karate.” Louis says while sending the photo. When he looks up and sees the look on Harry’s face, he adds, “What? I have a brown belt!” Harry snorts while sitting down at the edge of the bed and starts taking off his shoes. “No! I am serious!” Louis protests.

“You know karate, but you jumped in my arms when someone was trying to take you home.” Harry deadpans.

“I did not j-jumped in your arms. I was just trying to make sure no one gets hurt.”

“Right.” Harry says condescendingly.

“Whatever. But I can scream like a bitch. Almost gave you a headache, remember? So don’t even think about coming close to me.” Louis points a firm finger towards Harry.

Harry folds one leg on the bed and faces Louis. “Why do you think I want to have sex with you?”

“I don't know, it's just..I kissed you at the station-“

“Those were nowhere near my lips.”

“Yeah, but they were still kisses and then said we should get a room, so I'm just clearing things. You just look like the type.”

“What type?” Harry frowns.

“Pretty boy, irresistible charm, gets away with anything using dimples- that type. But I'm not gon- DON’T flatter your eyelashes at me! You are still not getting in my pants. I'm not the one night Stand kind of guy.”

“How come?”

“What’s it to you?” Louis folds his arms on his chest and wrinkles up his nose. Harry really shouldn’t find that endearing.

“Just curious.” Harry shrugs.

“I don't fancy being used like a piece of meat, thank you very much.” He spits.                                                                                           

“That's not what one night Stands are about, love.” Harry lies down on his back, folding his arms under his head.

“See, this! This is what I was talking about. These flirty nicknames..stop it!” Louis creases his eyebrows.

“Would you stop talking?” Harry moans out. “You are not my type anyway.”

“Excuse you. What do mean I'm not your type? I'm everyone's type. Have you seen my ass? It's out of this world.”

“Yeah, maybe you are the aliens' type. Sure sound like them.” Harry huffs.

Louis narrows his eyes at that. “How very dare you? I'm a great singer. Don't insult my voice when yours doesn't work half the time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Harry sits up again.

“It means, by the time you finish your wedding vows, half the guest will be back home.”

Harry wants to throw up. He would’ve. But he didn’t eat anything the whole day, and he already threw up once. So instead he smiles and changes the topic.

“When is your wedding?” he ignores the tight knot in his chest.

“Dunno.” Louis shrugs.

“What? You are so excited before the date is even fixed?” Harry asks incredulously.

“Well, it’s just signing papers. There is not gonna be any ceremony. So, who cares about the date?” Louis mumbles.

“Oh.”

“The best thing about marriage is not the wedding though. It’s knowing that you belong to someone and someone belongs to you, only you.” That nauseating feeling is back again. “I’m changing my last name after marriage. I’ll be Louis Parker. I already love how it sounds. I mean how much you can trust someone to change your own _name_ , the most primary thing of your life! You identity! You love someone so much that you start identifying yourself with that other person. Marriage is that promise, that permission to let you identify yourself with someone, for the rest of their lives. If it’s done in private, in front of the whole world, it’s still the same promise. Whether someone is willing to make that promise to you or not, is all that matters.” By the time he finishes he is looking out the window. The flickering street lights lighting his profile at a steady interval.

Harry is awestruck. Never in a million years, had he imagined hearing those heavy words from this loud, careless, stupid boy. He clears his throat, wills the lump to go away.

“Why no ceremony, though? This is something that needs to be celebrated.”

“My family is homophobic. Well, not my whole family. But my grandparents are. So, I’m running away to get married. Once they accept us, then there will be a ceremony.”

Harry’s eyes get wide as saucers. “You are running away to get married? What is this, 16th century?”

“Sadly, it is, when it comes to two men exchanging rings.” Louis informs.

Harry hums in response. But then it clicks in his mind. “Wait, why are you running away then? I mean, you lived in London. You easily could’ve gotten married without them knowing. Why are you going back home, only to run away again? Isn't that more complicated?”

“I moved to London to study. After graduating I got a 6 months internship. Now that that’s over I have no excuse to stay in London anymore. And-“ he pauses to look down at his lap, “Christmas eve is my birthday. After I leave, I don’t know if they’ll ever let me enter the house again. I mean, I hope, they’ll forgive me and accept me for who I am, but that won’t necessarily be the case, you know. So, I just wanted to spend one last birthday and Christmas with my little sisters.”

Harry can see Louis biting his lip, knows he’s trying very hard not to cry, he hopes Louis’ gets a happy ending before _‘The End’_ \- unlike him.

“What’s your story then?” Louis interrupts his train of thoughts.

“What?” he replies dumbly.

“Well, you get off at odd stations, don’t like to talk, throw up at random moments, look like a lost puppy, so, what is up with you? It is drugs?”

Harry can’t stop the loud laughter that escapes his lips and that surprises him to say the least. He wasn't supposed to laugh today, yet here he is .

“No, I assure you, it’s not drugs.” Harry shakes his head.

“So, what is it then?” Harry raises an eyebrow at the persistence. “Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad. All of my friends tell me all about their problems and I try my best to solve them. I always have the best solutions, trust me.”

Harry does not like where this conversation is going. “Didn't you say, you were tired?”

“Yeah, I am.” Louis looks up at him and nods.

“Then, how come you are not sleeping?” Harry lies down on his back.

“I don’t sleep with strangers.”

“So, I've been told.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do. Good night then.” Harry turns on his side and gets comfortable.

“Are you going to sleep?”

Harry raises his head and looks pointedly at Louis over his shoulder. “Isn't that why I just spent a bunch of money on a motel room?”

“You can’t go to sleep.” Louis says seriously.

“Why not?” Harry asks, scandalized.

“Because, if you fall asleep, I’ll be sleepy watching you sleep.” Louis pouts and for some reason Harry wants to kiss that off those thin lips. Oh god, he really needs some sleep.

“Good then, we’ll both fall asleep in each other’s arms, what could be more romantic?” he pushes his head in the pillow.

“But I don’t sleep with strangers.” Louis groans. “Damn it, there is no other way to say it!”

“Look, I’m exhausted. Please, leave me alone for 2 hours, then I’ll deal with your melodramatics again.” Harry mutters against the pillow. Harry doesn't know Louis’ reply after that because the exhaustion of the day finally catches up to him.

Louis eventually falls asleep on the couch.

 

~`*`~

 

“That awkward moment when a millionaire doesn't know what a gelato is.”

“I know what it is, I just never had it.”

They picked up Louis’ stuff from the station and when he saw a gelato parlour outside the station he started jumping like a kid on Christmas morning.

Harry is still considering the 5 years-old theory.

“Okay, pick a flavour.” Louis offers him a card with various flavours and their prices written on it.

“I don’t know which one is good. I’ll have whatever you are having.”

“Okay.” Louis turns to the boy behind the counter. “Two cioccolato fondente please.”

Harry goes to fish out his wallet, when Louis stops him. “My treat.”

They sit down at a table close to the window. The cloudy sky is making everything greyish, but when he looks at the boy across the table, he gets to see pure sunshine in the way Louis is licking his cone happily. The shop is very crowded for this early in the morning. And after taking one bite of the cone, Harry knows why.

When Harry is half way through his cones, Louis declares, “Now, we go shopping!”

Harry blinks. “Shopping?”

“Why, yes, Harold. You've been wearing that shirt for the last 24 hours. You can’t go to my house wearing that! First impression is very much important.”

Harry looks down at his wrinkles white shirt. Well, it’s still looks decent for a road trip. But then- “Wait, what do you mean ‘your house’? I thought I was dropping you off at Manchester and you’ll go from there.”

“Okay, from which angle 'Donny' sounds like Manchester to you?” Louis cocks an eyebrow.

“Yeah, ok. Even if I go as far as Doncaster, I’m not going to meet your family, Louis. I’m just going to drop you off.”

“What?! NO. Even after last night? So, you mean to say that was a one-time thing?” Louis sniffles.

And this time, Harry is sure the bastard knows exactly what he is doing. People around them turn to look at Louis and then pointedly stares at Harry. He blushes at the attention. He didn't even _do_ anything, dammit!

“Okay, okay! Fine, I’ll come home with you.”

Again, like lightning, Louis’ expression changes.

“Perfect!” he grins.

“But they don’t know me, why would they let me stay though?” Harry reasons.

“They don’t know a lot of my friends.” Louis shrugs. Louis puts his hand over Harry’s on the table gently and Harry tries not to think about how long has it been since someone touched him like this, a touch, just there, letting him know he is not alone. “Look, it’s not like I’m trying to embarrass you or anything. I just, like you, as a person and that doesn't happen often. I mean I told you about my marriage plans. No one else knows about them.”

“It’s easier to talk to strangers.” Harry nods.

“Well, you are a good stranger. I mean you simply could’ve left me last night, but you didn't.”

“You didn't leave me much choice.” Harry mumbles.

Louis shakes his head. “You are a good man Harry. You don’t give yourself enough credit for it. So I just want you to spend my birthday with me. So, will you? Maybe we won’t even see each other ever again. Maybe I will never get the chance to come back to England or, won’t have a reason _to_ come back. So, this might be last birthday with my loved ones and I want you there. I know it’s weird because we've known each other for less than a day. But I’ll be happy if you are there.”

Harry tries to control the grin that’s threatening to break on his face due to Louis’ words. The honesty in Louis’ eyes has him convinced though.

“Okay, I’ll be there. And hey, they will understand. This is not your last birthday with your family.”

“Let’s hope so.” Louis whispers and takes his hand away.

Harry tries not to miss the warm touch too much.

 

~`*`~

 

Louis’ house is very close to Harry’s imagination. It’s bright blue, with flowering plants all around it.

The moment the cab stops in front of it, Louis turns to look at him and says, “Get prepared for 6 more kids with my voice.” with a smirk and gets out of the car.

Harry feels like fainting.

Now even Harry has two bags, thanks to Louis’ shopping spree. He is trying to get hold of the bag on his shoulder, when the door opens and a middle aged woman with a gentle smile comes out. She instantly pulls Louis to her chest. Harry tries to hold his smile against all the dark thoughts in his mind. After a moment Louis’ touch on his arm brings him back into reality.

“Mum, this is Harry, my friend from London. I invited him to spend my birthday and Christmas with us. Harry, this is my mum.”

Harry stretches his hand forward. “Hello Mrs. Tomlins-“

“It’s Jay, dear.” Instead of his hands she pulls him into a bone crushing hug too.

She leads them into the house then. The house looks well-lived and Harry is ashamed to admit that he is jealous. There are family photos dotting the hallway walls and he wants to scream.

Then there are small hands hugging his legs before he can think any more negative things. He smiles, genuinely. He did that more in the last 10 hours than he did in the last 10 months.

Jay leads them to the kitchen for some tea and Louis freezes at the doorway causing Harry to crash into him from behind.

“Give a lad a warning would you?” Harry teases. But then he sees the couple sitting on the bar stools at the counter and takes a step back so there is enough distance between their bodies.

“Louis!” the old man turns in his chair and looks at his grandson with excitement in his eyes. But the moment his eyes land on Harry, his blue eyes turns cold. “Who is that?”

“Lou, your Pops and Gran decided to join us for your birthday! Great, isn't it?” Jay smiles wide while putting on the kettle.

“Yeah.” Louis whispers dejectedly. Harry hopes no one else heard that, because the emotion in the tone makes even him flinch. He pokes Louis on the back a little and finally Louis crosses the threshold.

“Who is this handsome young fellow then?” his grandma asks this time, but it’s prominent that they are getting impatient for the answer.

“Right.” Louis clears his throat. “This is Harry. He is a friend of mine from London.” He vaguely gestures towards Harry who is Standing a good 2 feet away from Louis.

“Friend?” his grandpa prompts and gives Harry long stare. “Or boyfriend?”

Louis’ breath hitches and Harry can see his fists clenching at his sides. He can’t blame Louis, really. Not when the word ‘boyfriend’ came out like venom from the respected senior.

“No, Pops. Just friend.” Louis murmurs.

“I was lucky enough to become his friend really.” Louis’ head snaps around to look at Harry. Harry steps forward and wraps a hand around Louis’ shoulder. “Do you know how famous he is at college? Everyone wants to be Tommo’s friend. Like if you go a club and say you know Louis, the girls will follow you around like a puppy.” Harry hates himself for saying all this offensive words, hates the world for being so damn heteronormative.

But it works though, because Louis’ grandpa smiles wide and says, “That’s my boy!”

Harry can feel the tension seeping away from Louis’ shoulder. Then the tea is served and that’s the end of it.

 

~`*`~ 

 

Two hours later Harry has a braid that Phoebe (he only knows the difference between Daisy and Phoebe because one is wearing pink, other one purple) is decorating with glitter head pins, Earnest is sleeping in his lap. Louis is warm by his side, sipping on his hot chocolate.

“Phoebs, let Harry go. His hot chocolate is getting cold.” Louis scolds softly while flipping channel.

“I’m almost done.” Harry sees her furrowing eyebrows and tongue poking out in concentration.

“You said that 5 minutes back, love.” The adoration in Louis’ voice makes Harry cringe internally, reminds him, how he doesn't have anyone to talk to him like that anymore.

“Here! See, it’s all done.” She declares with a victorious smile.

He can imagine he looks utterly ridiculous and it’s proven when Louis chokes on his drink, laughing hysterically and falls off the couch. Harry tries to look affronted when Louis pulls out his phone out of his pocket and clicks a quick picture, but he is not sure how that look will go with a glittery braid, so he gives up at the end and makes a goofy face that has Phoebe giggling at her brother’s side.

The next few things were not supposed to happen. But they happen anyways. And Harry regrets them just a little bit.

Once Harry is done with his drink, Phoebe takes both their glasses to the kitchen and Jay takes Earnest to his room. That’s when there is a knock on the front door and Louis goes to answer it.

Louis comes back with his friend Stan and Josh. Harry saw so many pictures of them on the bus; he could probably recognise them in the dark. It’s a bit embarrassing.

“Harry, this is my friend Josh, and you know Stan. Guys, this is Harry.” Louis introduces them and sits down on the couch next to him.

Harry gets up and is about to offer a hand shake when he gets a group hug. Maybe it’s a thing in Doncaster. Or, maybe this is how people greet outside an office, he wouldn't know.

“What does he mean ‘you know’? How do you know me?” Stan asks curiously with narrowed eyes.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Harry says shaking his head.

He is right, though. Because on the whole cab ride to his house, Louis told Harry every single detail there is to know about Stan. He even knows where he had his first kiss and what age he lost his virginity and to _whom!_ So, really he is saving the poor lad some embarrassment.

“I told him some stuff about you.” Louis supplies from the couch, messing with his phone.

“Good stuff I suppose.” He raises an eyebrow at Harry.

Harry already likes the dynamic of this group. So he decides to let his guard down and be a normal youngster this one time. “Is there any bad thing about you Stanly?” he pats Stan on back and gives him a dimpled smirk. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh god! I’m gonna kill you Tomlinson.” He jumps on Louis who was talking to Josh and eventually they all end up on floor.

Lottie and Phoebe come back to the room with some nachos and Josh snatches the plate away before Louis can have any, because, “You've had my guitar in your room for the last decade, Tommo -“

“It has been only a few months.” Louis protests.

“I don’t care. First my guitar then you get your food. Not before that.” He seems adamant.

“I’m being blackmailed in my own house. What has the world come down to!” Louis dramatically shouts.

“Your antics are not gonna work this time, drama queen. I want my guitar right this moment. I miss it dearly. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because its warm presence is not by my side.”

“Fine, fine.” Louis huffs and gets up. “I’ll go get it. No need to make it erotic, there are children in this room, Jesus! And if you missed it so much you could simply come over and take it.”

“From _your_ room? You wouldn't find your own head in there if it wasn't attached to you.” Harry bursts in laughter at that and Louis looks at him disapprovingly. “You once bought a new cell phone thinking you lost your old one and we discovered it from under your _pillows_ 4 months later. You want me to go it _that_ mess? Sorry, I grew out of my hazmat suit.”

Louis walks out of the room, muttering, “It’s not that bad.” under his breath.

Josh turns at Harry and says, “It is. Trust me. I wouldn't be surprised if there are three generations of mouse in my guitar by now.”

Harry wishes he could have them as friends; could call Louis whenever he needed someone to talk to, text Josh whenever he heard a new song that he could try out on his guitar, tease Stan endlessly about his fascination of bird feathers, meet up on weekends and hang out like this on the floor of his living room. But he sighs and breathes the thought out with the air. These are dreams. And he stopped dreaming a long time ago. 10 months ago to be exact.

Louis comes back with the guitar and shoves it in Josh’s hands. “Look, I packed it in plastic before I left, you dick. Happy now?”

“Language! There are kids here!” Harry exclaims. The guitar is shiny white and looks brand new from the lustre of it. “How old is it? It looks new.” Harry thinks out loud.

Louis shares a look with Stan and Josh mutters, “Told yah!” while taking the plastic off completely.

“It’s second handed.” Louis states. “So, can’t say its actual age. Josh bought it from a garage sale three years ago.”

“We told him not to, so many times. Do you remember Lou?” Stan asks Louis who looks over at Josh with fond eyes and slowly nods his head. There is a small smile ghosting his lips and again, Harry has an urge to kiss him. But before he can think any further on the topic, Stan’s voice cuts through. “He told us, he would make it good as new. You should’ve seen it then, mate. It was brown with torn cords and everything. In short, it was shit. Me and Louis laughed so hard when he bought it for 100 bucks. But then one day he showed us this and we shut right up.”

Josh starts strumming away on his cord with a warm smile on his face.

It takes Harry a few minutes to notice the silver letters scattering the white body of the guitar. They are only visible if light hits them at a specific angle.

“What are those?” Harry points at the general direction of the guitar.

“Oh, you mean the letters?” Louis says from beside him.

Josh looks up then. When he sees Harry nod, he says, “Those are the initials of all the people who are important in my life and vice-versa. I wanted to write the first names, but there were so many, they would've crowded the surface and cover the white almost entirely.” He shrugs, “So to keep it clean and beautiful, initials.”

Harry feels something funny in his stomach. Maybe jealousy. But that doesn't make sense- he has million dollars; they don’t. They will go to the shopping mall and look for the cheapest jacket; he won’t even look at the tag. They’ll have to find a job soon to build a life for themselves; he can fire anyone even now- miles away from his office.

Maybe it’s the way Josh can easily grip the instrument and play anything or nothing at all, but the people in the room won’t judge; unlike Harry who has to prove himself every day and still it’s never enough. Maybe the way they can all just sit in silence and not feel lonely; when Harry feels lost in a meeting with 50 associates. Maybe how this boy can buy a broken guitar and fill its surface with peoples’ name who love him; while Harry can buy a whole hotel but the only guest probably will be him himself.

A warm touch brings him out of the black hole of his mind. It’s Louis knee. They are both sitting on the couch cross-legged, knees touching. While Stan is sitting in front of Louis on the floor, back resting against the couch. Josh is on the armchair to the right. Lottie and daisy are reading a book on the floor at far left. Harry wants to stay like this forever, doesn't want the world to spin, doesn't want the next second snatching away the present one.

But even his mind stops working when Josh starts to play a specific song. He heard this one too many times. And the last few months, this one had way too much of a significance in his life. Harry closes his eyes, tells his brain to shut down. He doesn't want to feel this; not now, not here. But the memories come back anyway.

He can see blond hair- messy from sleep, pink lips with a gentle smile, his hands on her slender waist, his t-shirt slipping down her small shoulders; while they dance in the kitchen at early morning. Eyes still droopy with sleep but Harry still stared at those hazel orbs while singing the lyrics along with the radio.

Maybe she thought it was just another one of his favourite songs, maybe she didn't understand, didn't hear the silent plea underlying the words coming out his lips.

He doesn't even realise he is humming under his breath until Louis nudges his knee and whispers a soft, “Come on..”

He doesn't know why he does it, really- because he wouldn't have done it if anyone else asked. But slowly he starts articulating words from his hum. And before he knows it, he is singing the words that haunt him at random times.

“ _'Cause lately I've been waking up alone.._ ”

He forgets that sometimes. He rolls over to give her shoulder a kiss and comes face to face with cold air. Makes breakfast for two people and when the seat beside him stays vacant, he loses his appetite and the bin fills up.

“ _Told you I’d let them go.._ ”

He didn't. He never wanted any of them to go. They left him- one by one. He didn't ask to be left alone. He wanted to hold on, to anything, to anyone who was willing to stay.

“ _Maybe tonight I'll call ya; after my blood turns into alcohol.._ ”

He won’t because he knows- ‘ _the number you’re trying to reach does not exist. Please check the number and try again_.’

“ _No, I just wanna hold ya.._ ”

His voice cracks at the middle of the sentence. But he doesn't stop singing.

“ _Give a little time to me or burn this out.._ ”

That's all he ever asked for really; time. A little bit of fucking time.

“ _We'll play hide and seek to turn this around; all I want is the taste that your lips allow.._ ”

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._

He can see the first date - the green grass, her floral dress; can feel the first kiss - raspberry lip balm, soft, thin lips fitting perfectly with his own; can hear the first 'I love you' - blond hair making a aureole on the pillow, sweet breath hitting his lips, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, tender fingertips resting over his heart.

Can hear her shaky  _‘YES!’_ and the watery laugh.

“ _My, my, my, my, oh give me love.._ ”

He thinks if he can sing with enough emotion, maybe she will listen, maybe she will hear all the way from London.

“ _Give me love like never before; 'Cause lately I've been craving more.._ ”

He isn't. He doesn't want more. He just wants what he had, back. That's all he wants. He wants to fall asleep to the smell of vanilla shampoo instead of stale breath of alcohol.

“ _And it's been a while but I still feel the same.._ ”

Lies. _Lies_. It doesn't, it  _doesn't_. At first it was pain, then hope, then anger and now it feels numb. A dull pain that won’t go away with aspirin.

“ _Maybe I should let you go.._ ”

He doesn't know how to. He doesn't know what will keep him floating, doesn't know what he will do with that picture in his wallet then.

“ _You know I'll fight my corner; and that tonight I'll call ya; after my blood is drowning in alcohol.._ ”

But he _did_ , he did try. He called the moment he saw the ring on the coffee table, he called when he went to bed that night, called the next evening when the alcohol in his body was more than blood.

But all he ever got was- _‘it’s over, Harry, you can’t do anything to change that’_ or _‘I’m sorry, I really am but I can’t go back, I just can’t’_ or _‘stop calling me, Harry’_ or _‘hi! This is Kylie. I can’t come to the phone  right now, leave a message after the beep’_ then _‘hi! This is Kylie. I can’t come to…_ ’ then _‘hi! This is Ky…’ and then ‘hi! This is.._ ’ and finally _‘the number you’re trying to reach..’_

“ _Give a little time to me or burn this out.._ ”

He clamps his eyes shut and tries to send the tears back into their ducts.

“ _We'll play hide and seek to turn this around.._ ”

He did his part of ‘seek’ing – slowed down his car whenever he saw wavy blond hair on the street, walked into her favourite shop in the mall on more than one occasion, in a hope of running into her. Now all he wants to do is, go back in time and see, what he did wrong, when didn't love her enough, when exactly reduced to _'not enough'_.

“ _All I want is the taste that your lips allow.._ ”

His face contorts in pain and he tries to pretend it's because of high notes; not because he wants the stars behind his eyelids to replace the picture of his oxford sweatshirt on her petite figure on the last day he woke up beside her.

“ _My, my, my, my, oh give me love, My, my, my, my, oh give me love.._ ”

Why can't she still hear? Why doesn't she still understand?

“ _My, my, my, my, oh give me love, My, my, my, my, oh give me love, My, my, my, my, oh give me love, My, my, my, my, oh give me love.._ ”

He wants to keep singing, wants to scream, " _Love me, love me, give me love, love me_ " because whenever he listened to this song in his empty flat, he just screamed at that part.

Screamed because he couldn't form words, because he wanted her to hear, because he wanted to be loved once again.

But then he sees neatly tied bun, white dress, pink roses and his eyes snap open.

He is taken aback by the scene in front of him. The whole Tomlinson clan seems to be here. Lottie and Daisy have stopped reading their book and is staring at Harry with wide eyes, Fizzy is leaning against the doorway, Phoebe is leaning on his left side on the couch, Mark and Jay are behind Josh’s armchair- leaning against each other, Louis’ grandparents are sitting on the little couch on the left, Stan is looking at him with a wide smile and Josh is still playing the closing tune.

“Dude, what are you, a rockstar or something?” Stan says when the silence stretches too long.

“Nope.” Harry shrugs and turns right to see Louis staring at his lap, fidgeting with Harry’s phone, lips pulled in a straight line. Wow! That hurts, he knows he is not a very good singer but he was expecting at least some reaction. “Just a simple business man.” He mutters.

“Well, you shouldn't be.” Josh declares. And no one knows how much those 4 words hurt, other than Harry himself.

“You got a call.” Louis thrusts the phone in his hands. Harry looks down and unlocks the screen but there is no notification. He looks back up at Louis who blinks at him once, offers him a warm smile and says, “You should take it outside. The reception’s is not so good in here.”

One look at Louis at that moment and Harry thinks he wants this boy in his life forever. He nods and stands up on shaky legs.

He gets out through the back door into the backyard. He is not gonna cry. He is not. But a few tears escape his eyes anyways. It’s dark now. The chilly air pierces through his black tee shirt like needles.

The sound of a door opening and closing makes him smile a little.

“Thanks I really needed that I guess.” He turns around expecting questions or maybe a curious onceover, but there is no one. There _is_ a bear sitting at the foot of the door on the patio.

God! He needs to get out this house soon; otherwise he will end up doing something stupid like, kissing Louis at midnight on New Year’s Eve. He takes a deep breath and picks up the beer.

When he comes back inside, Louis, Stan and Josh are sitting on the floor.

“Harry is on my team.” Louis declares as soon as he sees him.

“Team for what?”

“Monopoly.” Louis chirps.

“Hey, that’s not fair. He is a business man. You’ll win anyways.” Stan protests.

“My friend, my team.” Louis pounds a fist on his chest.

“You mean I’m not your friend?” Stan pouts.

“Off course you are Stanie. I love you so much.” Louis leans across the game board and plants a kiss on his forehead. But he pulls back quickly and looks over to his grandfather, biting his lips.

Harry sighs and shakes his head minutely. He can’t believe people like this still exist. How can they be still so judgmental, close-minded?

When they eventually win after much needed shouting, snatching and accusation of cheating, Harry expects at least a hug, but all he gets is a pat on the back. But that’s okay, at least he’s got a family. This is so many times better than the way he imagined his Christmas will be this year.

 

~`*`~

 

It’s 23rd December now. They are in the middle of an intense match of scrabble – Louis and Fizzy vs. Harry and Lottie- when Jay comes into the living room.

“Louis, can I have a chat with you?” she says and goes out again before Louis even has the chance to look up.

Louis looks over at Harry, thinking he may have slipped up and said something. But he is staring back with questioning green eyes. So Louis gets up and goes towards the kitchen tentatively.

Jay is sipping her tea Standing at the kitchen counter. There is another filled cup in front of her. He goes to her side, picks up the cup, blows on the surface, takes a small sip and waits.

“The Calders are coming on your birthday.” She says after a few moments.

“All the way from Manchester?” Louis creases his eyebrows together.

“Yes. I invited them.” she looks at him then. “Do you remember Eleanor?”

“Yeah..” he answers cautiously.

“Well, she is lovely woman now..” she starts but Louis cuts her off.

“Mum..” he whines, “Really? You are setting up now? I’m not _that_ pathetic yet.”

“Louis, I’m not asking you to go on a date. Just catch up with her. She is your childhood friend.” She sounds a little agitated. And that’s not fair, really. She is not the one who is being forced to spend time with a somewhat stranger on his birthday.

“Mum, the last time I saw her, she was 11. And anyways, the concept of ‘childhood friend’ is stupid. People grow up to be different person.” He puts down his cup then. He is no longer in mood for tea.

“Stan is your childhood friend. You two get on just fine!” she puts down her cup too, runs a hand through her hair and closes her eyes for a brief second.

“It’s different with Stan, he is a boy.” Jay raises her eyebrows. So Louis hurries to add, “We both like footie. We are crazy for Spiderman. We have so much in common.”

“If you don’t talk to her, how will you know if you two have anything in common, Boo?” she knows using that pet name will melt him, and it does. He stops arguing. But that doesn't mean he is happy with this situation, either.

“Why are you doing this?” he whispers. “This is my last birthda- “ he freezes on spot. Shit.

“What do you mean, last birthday?” Jay questions with wide eyes. “Where are you goi-“

“No, mum.” He breaths and smiles weakly. “I mean, my last birthday was better than this. Remember the snowstorm, so half the people couldn't make it?”

“Aw. Honey, no. don’t say that.” She comes forward and hugs him to her chest. Louis wants to cry at that moment, in the warm embrace of the mum’s arms. Wants to tell her everything, wants to breathe evenly- but he can’t do any of those. “I would never ruin your birthday for you. It’s just..’ she trails off.

He detangles himself and looks straight into his mother’s eyes. “It’s just what mum?”

“You brought Harry and-“

“Mum, I told you, he is _just_ a friend. Nothing is going on between us, I promise.” He tries to sound as sincere as possible.

“I know, Lou. I trust you. But it’s your grandpa..” she sighs. “Louis, since you've moved to London, every time your grandparents come home, they ask about your girlfriend. I keep telling them that you are young, it’s too early for anything permanent. But this time, you came home after graduation and brought home a boy. Try to see this from their perspective. I can’t tell them you are young, irresponsible anymore. In a few days you’ll get a real job.” She explains.

“That’s why you called El.” He says matter-of-factually.

“I thought you knew her before. So, maybe it wouldn't make you uncomfortable.”

“Does she know this is why she’s coming?” Louis pinches the bridge of his nose and tries not to think about how disappointed she’s going to be in a few days when she figures out her son was coward enough to run away.

“She might have an idea.” She looks at him sympathetically then. “Just try this. For me? I don’t want any disturbance in the household during Christmas, Boo.” It’s almost like she is begging.

”Okay.” He nods. “Alright.”

What else can he say when she looks on the verge of crying?

 

~`*`~

 

It’s been an hour and Louis still hasn't come back. Fizzy loses and pouts, “That’s not fair, it was 2 against 1.”

“I’ll see where he is.” Harry gets up and walks to the kitchen. When he is at doorway, he looks around and Louis is nowhere in sight. “Where is Louis?” he points the question towards Jay who is sitting by the counter and looks lost in her thought.

“Oh, Harry.” She gives him a small smile.

“Yeah, sorry to disturb you. It’s just he didn't come back to play and Fizzy lost, so now she wants a rematch.”

Jay smiles then. “Why don’t you leave it to the sisters to work out?”

Harry shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets. “That might be a good idea. But where is he anyway?”

“Where do you think?” her tone seems friendly, but Harry can hear an underlying suspicion there. But he has no idea where Louis could go at 4 in the evening. So, he presses his lips together and shakes his head. “Probably on the field, playing footie.” Jay mutters.

“Yeah, sounds like him.” He steps in the kitchen then.

“How long have you two known each other?” it feels a lot like an interrogation now, honestly. On top of that, Harry doesn't know what Louis told her about their meeting.

For all he knows she could be talking to both of them simultaneously to tally their stories. Okay, maybe that is his paranoia talking, but it _is_ a possibility.

“Can’t say much long, I’m afraid. But long enough to know his craze for football.” He laughs, shaking his shoulder. He has never been a good liar, but he has to excel this one time for Louis’ sake. “This one time, ManU lost against City and he didn't go to class next morning. Zayn called me in distraught, so we both could pick him off the bed.” He shakes his head for extra effect.

“So, you know Zayn?” she turns in her seat to completely face him.

“Who can be Louis’ friend and not know Zayn?” he makes a show out of widening his eyes and everything.

“Those two are very close, huh.” Really? Now she is thinking about Louis and Zayn!

“Yeah, well. Zayn is a great guy. Those two are kind of co-dependent. Louis needs caffeine for late night studies Zayn is there; Zayn needs idea on Valentine’s Day for his girlfriend Perrie, Louis is there. It’s all like that.” The saddest part is that he is not even making things up. He _knows_ these stuffs. That’s how much Louis talks. He gave Harry a blue print of his 22 years life within 3 hours of journey.

“So, what do you study?”

“I studied business. Just got a job a few months ago.” For someone who can’t lie for shit, this is a new record. It has been almost 10 minutes and he still isn't caught.

Or maybe he has been, maybe she can see right through him and will slit his throat when he is sleeping at night. Okay, his brain needs to stop.

“Impressive.” she takes a sip out a cup that he didn't even notice was there. “What about your family?”

Harry feels his throat close up, feels like someone’s choking him. “I uh..my mum and dad lives in USA and-“ he really don’t want to do this- knows this is a bad idea. But she is asking him all these questions for a reason. And as Harry has recently found out, he would do anything to protect Louis. “-I live in London with my fiancé. We are getting married soon.”

“Oh, that’s lovely.” He lights up like a Christmas tree at that. “Congratulations. How long have you two been together?”

“6 years almost.” Harry needs some air right now.

She smiles and sighs a bit. “Ah! Young love. So, what about her? Why are you not with her on Christmas?” she furrows her brows a little.

“Oh, she went to visit her parents in France.” Harry is working on auto pilot now. All these lies are just coming out of him without any effort. “Louis always talks about his 5 adorable sisters and a brother too young to play footie with him.” Her face softens at that. “So I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to meet them. I hope it’s not too much trouble.”

“Off course not, dear. Well, I won’t bore you anymore. Bring my boy back before he dies of hypothermia, will you? When he plays football, he loses sense of everything else.” She gets up and puts her cup in the sink. “Oh, and take a beanie. It’s really cold outside.”

It’s nice to see how motherly she gets, once she knows the person is no harm towards her son. Harry smiles at her and steps out to the hallway.

He should feel like drowning after all those subjects have been brought up. Should feel like all these lies and the truths are clogging his lungs.

But he doesn't. Instead he smiles a little when he puts on one of Louis’ beanie.

 

~`*`~

 

Okay, ‘playing’ would be an understatement. He is assaulting the ball. If balls could talk, Louis would be in jail right now.

Harry watches from a distance as the small figure runs around the field chasing the ball.

After a few minutes he feels like a creep. So he takes small cautious steps towards the field. There are snow scattered everywhere, making a thin white blanket on the green grass.

Louis spots him after a couple minutes and scoffs. “Did mum send you here?”

“No, I went to look for you when you didn't come back to the game. She just suggested that you might be there.”

“Right.” He pants. And he looks so exhausted. Well, yes, he was playing for a long time, but it’s something different. It’s on his face. Something Harry never saw before- not even when he claimed to be ‘knackered’ in the motel. The glow is missing.

“Want to join?” Louis offers.

“No, thanks, I’m terrible at football.” He shakes his head.

“Oh please, how bad you can be? No lad can be _that_ bad in football. We are kinda born with it.”

“Trust me on this one.” Harry gesture between the ball and the goal. “I’m terrible.”

“This is the simplest thing in the world. This is a ball, you have a foot. Now you just kick it. Simple.” Louis shrugs. “It’s not like I’m asking you to kick puppies!”

Harry takes a deep breath, takes long steps towards the ball and prepares for the worst mocking of this life.

“Here goes nothing.” He mutters and kicks the ball. Well, tries to kick technically.

After 15 minutes, when Harry finally falls on his bum, Louis can’t control it anymore. He bursts out in laughter.

Harry has to give him credit though. Up until this point, he didn't even break a smile. He got red faced while trying to resist laughing, but he never actually let out a single noise.

That doesn't mean, Harry isn't offended though. He gets up, rubs his bum a little and starts walking away.

“How did you-“ Louis wheezes out in between his laughter, “-how did you even _do_ that?” he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “I mean, the goal is right there, no one is even blocking it. How did..” he trails of and  falls into another fit of cackles.

“Bye.” Harry says over his shoulder and keeps walking.

“Hey, no. Don’t be like that.” He whines softly. “Don’t go.” He kind of pleads the last part.

“What, you want to laugh more at me?” Harry turns around and puts his hands on his hips.

“Okay, no. we won’t play football anymore.” Louis looks around. Then suggests, “There is a lake at the back of the field. Do you want to go?”

Harry huffs, “You’ll be pleased to know, I can’t skate either.”

Louis giggles at that and Harry tries to pretend that is not the cause of the warm feeling in his stomach.

“Well, don’t worry the lake is not frozen. I was just thinking we could just sit at the bank, it is a beautiful view. We used to spend most of our summer holidays there.”

Harry looks at him suspiciously. “What kind of lake is not frozen at this time of the year?”

“Well, I mean it _was_ frozen. A group of boys were skating when the ice cracked. So they stoned the whole thing. And now, only half of it is frozen.” Louis looks at him expectantly, “So, are you coming?”

“Yeah, sure. Have nothing to do anyways.” Harry shrugs and follows Louis.

 

~`*`~

 

Louis was right. The place is beautiful. Fading sunlight hitting the ice and water at the same time and that looks mesmerizing.

They sit down on the grass.

Harry takes a deep breath and fills his lungs with the fresh, cool air.

“There we used to make a swing in summer.” Louis points at a thick branch. The tree is on the bank, but that one branch has extended over the water. “Stan used to be scared of diving. So we would put him on the swing and push him real hard. After sometimes he would lose balance and fall in the water. It was so much fun.” Harry turns to look at him, but Louis’ eyes are trained on the water. He looks so nostalgic. When Harry thinks back, there is no memory of his childhood, which he would want to revisit. “How did you spend your summer hols?”

That catches Harry off guard. “We used to go on vacation.”

Louis hums in reply. “Lucky.”

Not really, Harry wants to tell. Sitting in a hotel room while your parents go to different meetings is not fun. Wants to say, only people who would spend the day with him, are the ones that are paid for it. Their idea of fun was, taking a drive around the new city in an air-conditioned car. The only picture of Eiffel tower he got is from the other side of a glass window; although he has been to Paris 7 times. Wants to ask Louis, how it feels like to jump in a pool with your friends, just for the sake of it? Because all his ‘friends’ always used to dive in deep to show how waterproof their expensive watches were. Wants to know how it feels like to be on a trip as a member of a family; not just as an extra luggage.

“Hey!” Louis knocks their shoulders together.

“Hm?” Harry turns towards him.

“You zoned out there, for a bit.”

“Yeah.” Harry breathes. “This is beautiful.”

“Tolda!”  he says happily. But there is something in his tone, that has Harry look over him with worried eyes.

“Can I help?” Harry says calmly.

“What?” Louis looks at him with creased eyebrows.

“You seem a bit down. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You-“ Louis stutters, “You don’t even want to know what’s wrong?”

Harry shrugs. “What’s wrong is wrong. I can’t change it. I just wanna know what I can do to make you feel better.”

Louis stares at him for a few moments longer then shakes his head. “What planet did you even come from?” he utters with a smile.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Harry teases but doesn't press the matter any further.

They fall into a comfortable silence after that. Harry picks up snow from the grass and tosses them in the water. After sometime Louis starts to do the same thing.

“A friend of mine is coming to my party tomorrow.” He whispers after a few minutes.

“No way! A friend? To your party? Oh god, how shall you ever survive that?” Harry clutches his heart.

“Twat.” Louis throws snow at Harry. “It’s just, she’s an old friend. We've been friends for a long time but then lost touch, and now mum wants us to reconnect. I dunno, it feels weird.”

“Oh. Do you..have like, a history with her? As in, did you two date?” Harry asks curiously.

Louis’ eyes snap toward Harry’s green ones. “What?! No! The last time I saw Eleanor we were both 11.”

“Hey, Louis.” Harry says softly. When Louis hums, Harry exclaims, “How can you be friends with someone for a long time if you saw her last at the age of 11!”

“Well..” Louis shrugs, “We went to the same preschool. So like we were friends since 4.”

“Aw.” Harry acts like wiping the corner of his eyes. “How sweet. Perfect love story.” But Louis doesn't laugh, or even comment on it. So Harry adds, “Hey, I’m just kidding.”

“You are.” Louis scowls. “But everyone at home seriously thinks we’ll make a perfect couple.”

“Oh. Is that why they invited her?” Harry frowns. When Louis nods, he says, “Does she know she is comin-“ Louis is nodding sharply before Harry even finishes the sentence. “Oh. That’s messed up.”

“Yeah.” Louis breathes. “That’s why I came to play. It clears my head.”

After sometime Harry says, “Does your family know you’re gay? Or they just suspecting?”

“Well, I never came out to them.” Louis shrugs. “A bit pointless, you know. I know how they will react. Whenever Stan used to come over, they would go all whispering in the kitchen and stuff. And when I was only like 12, they would ask me all these questions like, what we do in my room, why I don’t bring any girl over. For the longest time they thought me and Stan were a thing.”

“Wow! Really, Stan? He is straighter than a ruler, even I know that.” Harry laughs softly. “And I only spend a few hours with him.”

“Yeah, well, what can I say..” Louis trails off.

Harry doesn't know how to respond to that, so he closes his eyes.

“We should go in.” Louis says out of blue. Harry looks over at him, confused. When he sees Louis staring at the water, his eyes go wide.

“Hey, Louis, I’m sure Eleanor won’t be that bad. You don’t have to commit suicide because of her. Come on, that’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Harry says frantically.

But Louis gets up anyway. “You asked me what you can do to make me feel better.” He offers his hand to pull Harry up. “Well, this is it.”

“Okay, Satan. You simply could've asked for my soul.” When Louis looks at him skeptically, he flings his arms in air out of frustration, “This is practically the same thing. We’ll freeze to death.”

“No, we won’t.” Louis says, as if he is talking about the weather and not going to jump in a half-frozen lake in December. “Come on, take your clothes off.”

“Oh, my god! You’re crazy. Do you have your psychiatrist’s number on your cell? Will she know what to do in this kind of situation?” Harry is panicking honestly, because Louis has already taken off his sweater. “I’m sure she will. Give me your phone.”

“If we go in with our clothes on, we’ll catch cold on our way back home.”

“You think?!”

“Come on, this will make me feel better. Please?” Louis begs with puppy eyes.

“Oh, shit.” Harry mutters and starts taking off his clothes reluctantly. He tries not to stare at Louis’ tan skin and thick thighs, but fails miserably. When they are both in boxers Harry Stands there, unsure of what to do.

“Are you taking those off anytime soon?” Louis’ voice slashes through the sound of his own teeth clattering. He turns to see Louis stark naked. His eyes almost bulges out of their sockets.

“What?” he stares dumbly at the crazy boy, waiting for the punch line or something.

“Boxers are part of your clothes, genius.” Louis mumbles.

“No, I’m not taking them off.” Harry shakes his head solemnly.

“Fine, but if you catch pneumonia tomorrow, don’t blame me.” Louis raises his eyebrows and shrugs.

“I _will_ blame you! This is your stupid idea.” Harry wants to make some hand gestures to express how stupid this idea is, but he thinks, if he takes his arms away from his chest, his heart is going to freeze.

“If you listen to me throughout the whole process, you’ll be fine!” when Harry still doesn't settle, he adds, “It’s not like I’m going to take your picture or something!”

Harry looks like a proper grumpy toddler, but he takes off his boxer anyway. Louis looks down at his dick once and winks at him, which has Harry flushed to the tip of his ears. He blames it on the cold.

“Are we going anytime soon?” he asks Louis.

“I’m not the one taking forever to get ready.” Louis huffs and starts walking - not towards the lake - towards the tree.

“Uh, Louis. Where are you going?”

“We are gonna dive from that branch.” He points towards the previous branch.

“No, we are not.” Harry tries to protest.

But when Louis turns around and smirks, “Yes, we are.”, they both know he is fighting a lost battle. So they climb the tree and gets ready to jump into the water. “Hold your breath, don’t let the water get in.” and then they jump.

HOLY. SHIT.

Harry is pretty sure, he is frozen inside an iceberg. Because, he can’t feel anything. He is dead, he is finally dead.

But then he is kicking the water with his legs and resurfacing. Louis comes up about the same time, right beside him.

“That was fun.” Louis gets out between shivers.

How is he still talking? Harry can’t even nod in response. He is getting ready to swim towards the side of the lake, when a hand grabs his wrist and pulls him underwater.

This time when Harry comes back up, he is coughing. But Louis doesn't seem bothered. He swims to the edge and gets out water.

When Harry gets out, he punches Louis’ shoulder lightly. “What was that for?”

“Fun.” Louis chirps.

Harry grumps and looks around. “Is my ear ringing or someone’s playing ‘chasing cars’?”

“That’s my phone. Must be mum.”

They dry off and puts on their clothes.

“Did you have fun?” Louis grins on the way home.

“No.” Harry grumbles.

Harry looks down at the snow. It's ironic, he thinks. how their footprints are side by side, but their destinations are different.

“I know you had a little bit fun.” Louis hesitates before adding, “And sorry for the surprise attack. It’s just, you don’t seem like you have many fun friends who can make you laugh. So after we both go our separate ways, maybe we won’t meet again, but you’ll always have this memory. And trust me, this will make you smile on your lowest days. That’s what memories are for Harry, they don’t just give pain, sometimes they remind you of how great life can be.”

Once again Harry is speech bound by the perception of this boy. Alhough he is cold to his bones, the harder thing to fight is the smile taking up his face.

 

~`*`~

 

Next day Harry wakes up to the shrill sounds of 'Happy birthday, boo' coming from downstairs.

When he gets downstairs with his sweats and t-shirt on, finally after half an hour, he is greeted by the sight of Louis hugging Jay from behind as she makes pancakes. His hands around her waist, chin propped on her shoulder, while he sniffs and gives out opinions like, 'Mmh, that smells nice', 'I think they need to be more cooked', 'Put more chocolate chip in the batter, mummy. It's my birthday!'

Harry bites his tongue to keep the sob from escaping. But his presence is known nonetheless. Louis detaches himself from Jay and leans against the counter beside her, facing Harry at the doorway.

“Look, who finally decided to be up.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Why were your sisters booing you on your birthday?” Harry asks.

Louis groans and glares at Jay when she chuckles.

“It's nothing really-“ he starts but Jay cuts him off with “We call him boo bear.” And a fond smile.

“Mum!” Louis squeals.

Harry barks out a laugh then. “Well then, happy birthday boo bear.” He teases.

“Shut up! And it's not a happy birthday unless there are presents. So, you lost the privilege to call me that.” Louis tilts his chin up.

It's so obvious from the glint in his eyes, the curl of his lips that he was joking about the present thing. So when Harry rubs his eyes a little and mutters, "Oh yeah, your present should be here through post anytime now." his jaw drops and he stares at Harry for a moment too long.

Harry smirks and deliberately ignores his questioning gaze as he makes his way towards Jay and starts helping her with breakfast.

 

It's after 2 hours when everyone's tummy is full of sweet pancakes and hot chocolate, the parcel arrives.

Harry signs to receive it and turns around to find Louis standing there with raised eyebrows and hands on hips.

“You really bought me presents?”

“Yeah, that's what you do when you get invited to someone's birthday party.” Harry shrugs.

“You really didn't have to do that, you know.”

Harry knows, of course he does. But it has been so long since he wanted to buy something for someone, especially someone who truly deserves it. And Louis does, he deserves all the happiness. His mere presence brings happiness to everyone, so Harry just wanted to return the favour a little bit. Harry extends the box towards him.

Louis wastes no time in ripping the wrapping paper and when his eyes fall on the content, he looks up at Harry, who is biting his lips in anticipation.

He takes out the CD case out first. The white disk is clearly visible through the transparent cover. But it has no name or label, only two words ‘The Fray’ written in black.

Harry clears his throat. “It has all of their unreleased songs. So, many of them are not edited. You know, just vocals and stuff. But it’s still them.”

“This is..” Louis trails off, evidently lost for words.

“It’s just, you have all their songs in your i-pod so I thought maybe you’d like those.”

Louis then takes out the card. Once he opens it, Harry is afraid he is having an aneurysm because he is literally not breathing.

He can’t be blamed though because-

_‘Louis, happy birthday mate. Hope you have a good one. – **Joe King** ’_

_‘Hey Lou, enjoy your birthday and christmas!! XO – **Issac Slade** ’_

_‘Born the day before Christmas, you are a special one aren't yah? Happy birthday mate. – **Dave Welsh** ’_

_‘Get wasted, spread happiness. Happy birthday. Thank for being a fan. x – **Ben Wysocski** ’_

He stares dumbly at the birthday wishes and autographs on the card from his favourite singers.

“You should uh..should flip the page.” Harry whispers.

Louis up at him with mouth still hanging open. “Huh?”

“Flip the page of the card. There’s something else..”

Louis turns the page then and sees two rectangular papers.

“Concert tickets.” He breathes.

“Yeah. The only one left is in London. Sorry. That’s the only one I could get. After that they go to South Africa and all so-“

“It’s on 29th.” Louis looks up at him again. “How did you even..” he looks down at the things in his hands and next time when he looks up, he has a puzzled look on his face. “Who are you?”

“Just a business man.” Harry shrugs a shoulder.

“Yeah. You keep saying that. But I’m getting highly suspicious.” Louis narrows his eyes.

“Do you like them?”

“Like them?” Louis mocks. “Harry, I love them.”

“Well, the tickets were supposed to be your Christmas present. But since you already saw them, I have nothing to give you tomorrow.”

“Christmas?” Louis says skeptically, “Harry, you don’t even have to give me anything on my wedding, if you ever get invited. This is gonna last a lifetime.”

“Really? So, you really love it?” Harry sighs. “Good. I was worried-”

“No, stop worrying, seriously. I’ll show my gratitude my making you my guest of honour for tonight’s party.”

“Don’t you think it’s too early for that? You don’t even know what your other friends are going to bring.” Harry grins.

“Oh, trust me. None of them are going to bring me the unreleased songs of my favourite band. So, you are safe.”

“Well, I’m honoured.” Harry bows.

Louis hugs him then. It’s not a desperate attempt to convey emotion or a heat of a moment kind of thing. It’s just two bodies pressed together without any sexual intention. Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ back and holds them in place. After a minute or so, Louis lets go.

“Thank you.” Louis says again and this time Harry can see the moisture at the corner of his eyes.

 

~`*`~

 

Harry doesn't really know when the party starts. Because Louis has been trying to get a piece of cake since 4 o’clock and Daisy and Phoebe have been dressed since 5.

Around 7, a couple walks through the door and Louis drags Harry towards them.

The boy look like a Gucci model with his hair gelled in a quiff and the girl has bright pink hair.

Harry feels self-conscious in his black button up and black skinny jeans.

“Zayn! Pezza!” Louis bellows. They both pull him in a hug. When they separate, Louis turns to him and says, “Harry, this is Zayn and-”

“Hey, you are the kidnapper!” Zayn says the moment sees Harry’s face.

Harry turns to Louis with wide eyes, “Did you seriously send that photo saying I’m a kidnapper?”

“Well,” Zayn starts, “He said, ‘this is potentially the kidnapper if I don’t reach home by tomorrow’. So, you know.”

“But how did you convince your parents to let him stay? There are children here.” The girl says. Harry looks at her with open mouth. She chuckles and says, “Just kidding. Hi, I’m Perrie.”

Harry shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m-“

“The kidnapper who gave Louis a birthday card from The Fray. I know”

Harry turns to Louis who shrugs and says, “What? It was phenomenal moment in my life, I had to share it!”

“He text bombed us.” Zayn deadpans. “But seriously though, how did you manage to let him stay?”

“I may have told them that he is friend form London. You two are the only ones who know the truth, so act the part.” Louis stage whispers.

“Yes, sir!” Perrie salutes.

“They also suspect I’m his boyfriend.” Harry smirks.

“What?” Zayn yelps. “Oh man! Ryan is gonna go mental.”

At the mention of Ryan, Louis looks at his foot to hide his obvious blush and bites his pink, thin lips. It’s official, Louis Tomlinson is the most adorable 22 years old in existence.

Things flow easily from there. Louis lives up to his promise of making Harry the guest of honour. He introduces him to every new face. And never leaves his side.

Harry strikes up a conversation with Perrie. They talk about anything and everything. He doesn't know much about the world outside his business. But that’s apparently fine, because she is fully content with talking her heart out.

Harry and Zayn are leaning against the wall and talking about recent economics, by their sides Louis and Perrie are having an argument whether tea or coffee is more essential in student life when over Zayn’s shoulder, Harry sees three figures making an entrance through the front door.

Harry feels Louis tense up by his side. He doesn't need to be told who they are. The girl is lean, with brown soft curls and she looks gorgeous in her navy blue dress.

Zayn and Perrie sense their discomfort and turn to follow their line of vision. Perrie whistles under her breath and turns back to Louis. “Who is she?”

Louis shifts his weight from on foot to another and fiddles with the plastic cup in his hand. He looks at Harry with pleading eyes. He looks so small, helpless in that moment that Harry wants to wrap him up in his arms. But there are too many people here, he can’t risk it. So, Harry offers him an apologetic smile.

Zayn gapes at him. “Lou, did you bring a beard in your own birthday party?”

“What? No! I would never do that.”

“That’s a childhood friend. He is supposed to reconnect with her today.” Harry explains. “He was kinda forced into it.”

“Shit, Lou. That blows.” Zayn purses his lips.

“Well, go on. Talk to her then. She is looking this way.” Perrie whispers.

Louis groans. “I don’t want to. Can’t I just kiss you and give out the vibe that I’m taken?”

Zayn pushes off the wall then. “I love you ‘n all. But back off.” He puts a protective arm around her waist.

“Fuck my life.” Louis mutters and makes his way towards the sweet-faced brunette.

Harry wants to drag him back when she puts her hand tentatively on his forearm.

 

Around 11, all the parents and kids gets ready to leave the house so that they can have the ‘real party’.

“Oh maybe I should go too, then. Leave you teenagers to it.” Harry teases. “Seeing as I am older after all.”

“Sure.” Louis says sincerely. “You are welcome to gossip with all the ladies or talk football with men and play ‘house’ with the kids, in my aunt’s place.”

Harry sighs. “Well, someone has to keep an eye on you kids. So, I’ll stay.” he sees Louis eyeing Eleanor and whispers, "Don't fall for her. you have a boyfriend, remember?"

Louis elbows him in the stomach. "Shut up, twat. i'm just wishing she would go away with them. She doesn't know anyone here anyways."

"She knows the birthday boy, Louis. She doesn't need to know anyone else." Harry points out.

"I just feel terrible doing this to her. She is so sweet and gave me bracelet as present and here I am-" their eyes fall on Jay then, who is looking pointedly at them.

They both become very aware of how they must look- standing side by side, whispering in each other's ears.

Louis walks away from Harry to start a conversation with Eleanor.

 

It’s almost 2 in the morning, the warm bodies, music and alcohol get too much for him. The house is now filled with Louis’ friends from London and that says a lot about the kind of person Louis is. Because there are people who actually drove 3 hours to attend his birthday party. Perrie is talking with a group of girls now, Zayn is smoking somewhere, Josh and Stan are paying truth and dare with a bunch of people and Louis is nowhere to be found.

Harry steps out in the backyard. He didn't drink much, so he is not really drunk. He consumed enough alcohol in the last few months to last him a life time.

He looks up at the sky and smiles. He wonders how is he so happy, so blissed out right now. How did a total stranger changed his life in just a few days. He doesn't think about how this all will end soon and how very soon he will see Louis for the very last time. But that’s okay, because now, now he is smiling, he is happy.

He is just about to turn around and go inside when Louis comes in front of him.

“Hi!” he says giddily with wide smile and crinkled eyes.

“Hey.” Harry greets back.

“Are you having fun?”

“Yup.” Harry nods. Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck then and nuzzles in his neck.

“Good.” He whispers. “Is she coming?”

“What?” Harry lowers his head to catch the words promptly.

“Is Eleanor coming this way?” Louis repeats in his ear.

Harry looks up and sees a dark figure approaching them. “I think, yeah. Why?”

“Is she watching at us?”

Harry squints then. She looking around her, like she is looking for someone. “No, not at us. No.”

“Make some noise then.”

“Huh?”

“Make her look at us.” Louis says impatiently. “Clear your throat or something.” Harry does as told, but that doesn't help. “Oh, god. No.” Louis whines. “Louder.”

“Jesus! Why don’t you do it then?” Harry nudges Louis at his side.

“Okay!” Louis shouts and Harry winches. But that does the trick though. Harry still can’t see her face but she is standing still and facing them. “How about now? Is she looking now?” Louis undertones.

“Yeah.” Harry goes to nod. But before he can, Louis kisses him.

It’s not a real kiss. Merely a press of lips against lips. Harry is too shocked to do anything other than stand there. But he sees her stomping away from them and it all clicks.

“She’s gone.” Harry whispers against Louis’ lips. Louis pulls back then. “Was that because I have an impressive crotch?” Louis blinks at him. “Well, you did wink at me after getting a sight of it yesterday.”

Louis giggles at that. _Giggles_. “No, sorry. She just couldn't take the hints. So I tried the last thing I could think of.”

Harry hums thoughtfully. “Turns out whenever you need to get rid of someone you come to me. I’m starting to see a pattern here.”

“Well, turns out you like to be used. So.” Louis winks.

Harry almost chokes on his tongue. “Let’s go inside. You need some water.”

“No, I’m not even drunk.” Louis moans.

Harry crosses his arms on his chest. “Why is that though? Aren't supposed to get smashed tonight?”

“Yeah. But I couldn't risk getting drunk with El by my side. What if I said something along the line of, ‘well it’s not like I don’t like you, it’s just that you don’t have a cock’?”

Harry splutters at that. “Well, you kissed a boy in front of her. So that surprise is ruined. Now, you can get hammered.”

And that’s just a too good offer to refuse, so Louis agrees.

 

~`*`~


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i originally planned this chapter to be bigger and i was supposed to update around the 2nd week of October. but there are people on my tumblr requested a quick update. so here it is. it's kind of a filler but it's also important. and this is dedicated to all those lovely people who send me beautiful notes and encouragement. i didn't know how to respond to them, so this is a gift for you.

 

 

Harry wakes up to something sharp digging in his shoulder. He shrugs and the sensation is gone.

Moments later, something pokes his collarbone. He groans this time and wills anything that’s trying to break his peaceful slumber to fuck off.

“Harry..”

His name being whispered makes him snap his eyes open though. The first thing he notices is that the room is dark. So it must be still middle of night.

He reaches blindly on the night stand for his phone and once he grabs it, he unlocks the screen.

3:05 A.M., 29th Dec.

He frowns at that. Who is calling him at this time?

He turns his phone towards the end of the bed and in the faint light of the screen, he can see a hunched figure sitting there. So he does what a normal matured man will do.

He screams.

A small hand comes to cover his mouth and effectively muffles the sound.

“Shut up, you idiot.” It’s Louis.

Harry gets out of his grasp and turns on the bedside lamp.

Louis is kneeling on the bed, between Harry’s legs. And yeah, okay, that can’t be happening. This whole thing is weird enough. He doesn’t need to get a boner to make it worse.

“What are you doing here?” Harry hisses.

But Louis doesn’t seem too bothered by his tone, as he simply shrugs and replies, “I came to say goodbye.”

“What?” Seriously? Is Louis seriously throwing Harry out of his house at the middle of the night?

“Well, do you remember my plan?” Louis says when he notices the confusion on Harry’s face. “The one, where I run away from home?”

“Yeah..” Harry trails off a little questioningly.

“Well, it’s happening.” He gestures towards the floor where Harry notices three bags sitting for the first time. “I’m running away.” Harry keeps staring and when Louis doesn’t crack a smile, he gasps.

“Wait, you mean, now? Like, right now?” Harry asks exasperatingly.

“Yup.” Louis puts a soothing hand over Harry’s shoulder and says, “You stay here a few more days and then go back to London. Alright?”

“Hold on, you are leaving and I will stay here?” Harry is almost convinced this is a bad dream or a very bad joke.

“Yeah, why not?” Louis creases his eyebrows. Because apparently he doesn’t think nothing is wrong with this whole plan.

“Are you crazy? They will call the cops. Everyone will ask questions. And I am a shit liar as it is, let alone in front of authority figures. Why can’t you stay a few more days? Till New Year at least? We can both leave then.”

“I can’t.” Louis groans and sounds a bit frustrated. “Eleanor is coming tomorrow. Mum invited her for our weekend family dinner. What if she tells them that she saw me kissing a boy at the party? I will be dead before I can blink.”

Harry considers this for a moment and then, “Wait. I am the boy she saw you kissing.”

“Yeah, so?” Louis shrugs yet again.

“So? So?! Are you nuts?” Harry sits up on his knees. “What do you think will happen if I stay here and she tells your family that I was kissing you at your birthday party?”

“Oh. Shit, I didn’t think about that.” Louis bites down on his bottom lip and thinks for a moment before he decides, “Guess you’ll have to come with me then.”

“What? Oh god, you idiot!” Harry smacks his own forehead because really this boy is an epitome of stupidity. “They already think there is something going on between us. And now you want us to run away together? That will only confirm their suspicion.”

“So? Why does it matter to you? All they know about you is that your name is Harry and you are from London. They don’t even know your last name. Hell, I don’t know your last name.” he whisper-yells the last part.

“Right.” Harry thinks, “Why does it matter to me?” Harry says more to himself than to Louis.

“Great!” Louis cheers and then his features turn serious. “Now hurry up.”

Harry gets dressed somewhere in the dark, away from the bed. He thinks of dead puppies, his messes up life situation to keep himself in check because his mind keeps imagining a different situation with this exact condition- Louis in his bed, dark room, him half-naked and Louis in between his legs.

 

After 15 minutes, Harry is dressed and has one of Louis’ bags over his shoulder as they make their way down the stairs on their tippy toes. They keep bumping into each other due to the solid darkness surrounding them; sometimes they halt their movements when a floor board creaks too loud in the silence of the house. And Harry has a weird sense of paranoia, so he keeps glancing back every few seconds.

Once they reach downstairs, they take long strides to reach the front door in minimum time. Harry has his hand on the door knob when-

_Click!_

They both freeze on the spot. Turning their heads in the slowest speed they look back to see the kitchen light on. Harry opens his mouth wide to take breaths because he has a feeling that even using his nostrils is going to give away their presence. After a few seconds they hear a soft hum coming from the kitchen.

“Lottie.” Louis whispers. “Let’s go before she comes out.”

Harry twists the doorknob biting his lip and holding his breath. He pulls the door open slowly without making any noise. Louis gets out first and Harry follows, locking the door behind him. The snow on the drive way makes squeaky noises under their shoes, but they walk fast and are halfway down the path-

“Louis?”

They freeze yet again and Harry knows they shouldn’t stop, should just keep walking if they want to get out of here. But Louis makes the rookie mistake of turning around.

“Is that Harry?”

And then Harry has no other option than to spin around to face her. Lottie is standing there in her night wear, hair dishevelled. She is eyeing the both of them with something close to amazement and well, Harry can’t really blame her.

“Lottie! Hi! Look I have to go to London for something important, yeah? I’ll call you tomorrow okay? Tell you the details after reaching there.”

Harry can see the wheels in her head turning as she looks at their bags and the mild panic on Louis’ face. He can practically see the metaphorical light bulb turning on over her head the moment she deciphers the situation. She covers her mouth with her hands and takes a couple of steps back before-

“MUM, DAD! COME QUICK! LOUIS IS RUNNING AWAY!!”

“Shit.” Louis curses under his breath, grabs Harry’s hand in his own and dashes towards the gate.

Once they are out of the gate, Harry dares to talk. “Where are we going?”

“Um. I don’t know. Let’s go to the bus stop. Maybe we’ll catch the next one.” Louis pants while jogging on the sidewalk. “But we have to catch a cab first.”

Harry stops dead in his track, causing Louis to halt a couple steps ahead.

“What? Why did you stop?” Louis frantically asks, tugging on their joined hands to make Harry to move.

But Harry doesn’t budge. He only looks at Louis with wide eyes. “That’s your plan?” he asks, “This is your master plan? ‘Let’s go to the bus stop’? You don’t even know when the next bus is!”

“Well, can yell at me while running?” Louis whisper-yells. “We have to go.” He pleads at last.

“No.” Harry decides and looks back to see the light in the upstairs switching on. “Come on.” He tries to drag Louis towards the house once again.

Louis protests though. “No. I’m not going back there.” He tries to free his hand from Harry’s grip. “You are not doing this to me.”

“Come on.” Harry growls. And this time Louis huffs and finally gives in.

“But why are we-“ he starts when they reach the front lawn.

“Just shut up and listen to me. Alright?” Louis doesn’t object after that.

Just after they get off the drive way, the front door opens painting a broad strip of light on the lawn coming from inside the house.

They walk around the house and when they reach the back door Harry asks, “Does this house has a basement?”

“Yeah.” Louis nods. “But we’ll have to go through the kitchen.”

Harry takes a deep breath and states, “Well, that is a risk we have to take.”

“What do you mean?” Louis asks knitting his eye brows together.

“Lead the way. To the basement I mean.” Louis seems sceptical. He glances between the back door and Harry’s face a couple of time and when Harry says, “Trust me”, he finally pushes the door open.

The hallway is filled with pitter-patter of footsteps, but they go left, towards the kitchen. Harry feels like a proper thief while sneaking around. But he still follows Louis and finally walks through the small door at the back of kitchen. They take a few steps down the stair leading to the basement and lock the door behind themselves.

The basement is a mess, which makes Harry sigh in relief. There are narrow windows along the top of the wall, levelled with the ground and fading street light is streaming through them, making the dark place a little illuminated.

“They don’t use this often, yeah?” he asks once they hit the floor.

“No. sorry, it’s kind of shit.” Louis says, but his eyes are trained on the door as if someone will barge through any moment.

“No, no. That’s good.” Harry looks around and his eyes fall on a couple of beaten bean bags. He picks those up and deposits them just below a window. He kicks them a few times and when is assured that they won’t fall apart any moment, he stand up on one of them.

Louis grabs the back of his shirt. “What are you doing?” he hisses, “If someone is in the backyard, they could see you. They’ll have a right scare seeing you in this window like a peeping tom.” He tries to pull Harry down on the ground by tugging on his shirt. But Harry doesn’t relent. Instead, he grabs Louis’ hand and hauls him on the other bean bag.

They can’t see much. But they can hear.

There are sounds of door being closed, car engines starting and some heated conversation.

“What are we doing here?” Louis finally whispers.

“There are five people with driver’s licence. If we kept running, they could’ve easily caught us. Now they are gonna look for us out there, everywhere. But they will never look in their own basement.”

“Wow!” Louis looks at him then. “I’m gonna ask you one last time. Who are you?”

Harry huffs out a laugh and repeats his answer once again. “Just a business man.”

They hear Jay’s voice then. “Please find my boy.” She is pleading to someone. “Please, just. I’ll look at the bus stop.” She says in an undertone then, “Look after your sisters, Fizz. Alright? We’ll find him, don’t worry.”

Harry turns his head to look at Louis and sees his head hung low, forehead resting on the windowsill.

“Hey,” he says quietly, puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes slightly. “You alright?”

Louis nods his head the best he can and mumbles, “It’s just not fair to her. I’m her only son. We are best friends.”

Harry has to close his eyes to stop his thoughts from clouding his actions. He clears his throat and changes the subject, “So, where is he coming to pick you? Ryan, is it?”

“Oh.” Louis says, “He’s not coming.”

Harry stares at him blankly before he asks, “Why not?”

“He doesn’t know this is happening.” With that Louis gets down from the bean bag before plopping down on it. Harry does the same.

“Let me get this straight- no pun intended. Your boyfriend doesn’t know that you are running away from home for him?” Harry asks with the air of disbelieve.

“It’s not like, he doesn’t know! He knows this was the plan all along. He just doesn’t know this is happening now, like, right now. Mum dropped the bomb about El’s visit tomorrow after dinner and I was busy packing and planning, so I didn’t get time to inform him.” Louis shrugs.

Harry lets his head fall back against the wall with a soft thud. “Why are you doing this, Louis?” he starts in a soft voice, “Why are you ruining your life like this? You are still young, you have so many options and this thing you are doing right now, has the potential to make you and break you at the same time. Why are you doing this?” Harry peels his head away from the rusty wall and locks his eyes with Louis’ before he continues, “Have you ever thought what will happen if this doesn’t work out? Like, I’m not trying to change your mind or anything. If it works out the way you dreamt it would, great! All the happiness to you! But..” Harry whispers, “But what if it doesn’t? What then? Have you thought about that?”

Louis is silent for a moment. Then he crosses his legs on the bean bag and rests his hands in his laps. “Have you ever asked yourself ‘What if’ Harry?”

Harry doesn’t have to think of the answer, it’s on the tip of his tongue.

What if his mom didn’t walk out that day? What if he still had Gemma? What if he could make his dad understand? What if he was a better son? What if someone was there when he needed them the most? What if his mom took him with her? What if this shit hole wasn’t his life?

So many alternative scenarios, but he still got stuck with this one. And this one is reality.

“I have.” Harry nods. “But this is real life, Louis. It’s not a fairy tale. Real life consists of logic and plans and-“ Harry pauses to take a deep breath, “Reality. That’s what life is, Louis. Trust me, life is not only games and smiles and jokes and adventures. It’s not.”

Everything is quiet for a while before Louis speaks up.

“I know.” He says quietly. “I know, this could go either way. But 10 years from now, I don’t want to sit and wonder, what if? What if I got the courage to run away that night, to have the life I always wanted? What if I took a chance and went with it? I just-“ he clears his throat and says, “I just don’t want to look in my mum’s eyes when she is older and think ‘you are the reason I couldn’t get away. You are the reason I hate my life right now.’ Because no matter how childish you think I am, it was a hard decision, to leave my mum. But I know I have to do it, I don’t have another choice.”

“I know what you are saying but-“ Harry tries to interject.

“This is my choice and I will never regret it. You know that saying, ‘never regret anything, because once upon a time you truly wanted it’?” Harry shakes his head and Louis smiles, “Well, now you know. Right now, I want to get away from my homophobic family and be with my amazing boyfriend. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“I _get_ that, but-“

Louis cuts him off yet again. “I also know what you are saying is right. Maybe our marriage will end badly, maybe we’ll get divorced, maybe we’ll live happily ever after- who knows? And I won’t know it unless I take this chance, you know? Or else I’ll keep wondering my whole life.” Louis sits up straight and Harry can almost see a new found confidence in his posture. “Whatever happens from here, it’s on me. I made a choice and I will live with the consequences of it, as simple as that. So that in the future, I won’t have to point at someone else and say, ‘you made my life a living hell’. I mean honestly, that just proves how weak you are. Someone shoved something on you, and you decided to live with it, instead of trying to fight it off. I can’t become that person, because if I do, I won’t be able to face myself in the mirror again.”

Three times.

Harry is keeping count of how many times Louis Tomlinson leaves him speechless.

“Well then.” And with that Harry takes out his phone out of his pocket and starts typing.

“Yeah, sure. Play fruit ninja while I am having a major life crisis. Absolutely.”

Harry rolls his eyes, sends the text he’s been typing and puts the phone back in his pocket.

“So, when do we leave?” Louis asks after sometime.

“Give them a few more time to drive away.”

 

Sitting in the basement of a house he didn’t know the existence of even 10 days ago, Harry thinks about all his life choices and wonders how the fuck did he end up here.

And then he starts laughing. Once he starts though, he can’t stop.

“Oh my god!” Louis exclaims, “Did you hit your head or something?”

“No. no-“ Harry wheezes out, “I just-I can’t..”he takes a few calming breaths before he continues, “I can’t believe this is my life right now. Hiding in the basement, while helping a boy to run away from home and people out there thinking I most possibly kidnapped you. This is so messed up. And I thought my life couldn’t get any more jumbled.”

“God, you are so selfish.” Louis grumbles, “You think you are in a shitty life? And what about me, huh? What about me?”

“What about you?” Harry asks, amused. “This is _your_ life. It’s _your_ decision. _You_ are the one who’s running away. _You_ are the one who’s got an ‘amazing’ boyfriend. _You_ are getting married. What the fuck am I doing here?”

“You are helping out a friend?” Louis supplies hopefully.

“Yeah and also risking my life to a family consisting of 7 women.”

“Only 3 of them are woman, if you consider Lottie.”

“The same, the same.”

“You know, this moment, right here? It’s gonna make a great memory.” Louis says, “You’ll see, years from now we’ll laugh thinking of it.”

 

Harry only thinks, _I hope years from now, you remember me._

10 more minutes passes when Harry says, “We should get going.”

“Okay.” Louis stands up.

“We could get out through the window.” Harry suggests and Louis looks a little uncertain before he agrees. “Alright, so we throw the luggage out first, then you get out and me after you, got it?”

“Why me first?”

“Because shorty, if I get out first, you won’t be able to climb out the window by yourself.”

“I’m not that short!” Louis protests.

And, alright, as much as Harry treasures these banters, time is the essence here. “If you are done nursing your ego, can we move now?”

They follow Harry’s plan and finally when they are both on the ground, Harry slings one of Louis’ duffle bag across his shoulder and they starts to walk quietly towards the front gate.

They pick up their speed once they are close to the front door, afraid someone might come out and spot them. They are a couple of steps away from the gate when they hear the sniffle and then Fizzy’s faint voice.

“It’s alright, Daisy. He’ll come back. Mum will bring him back. Don’t cry, please.”

Louis sucks in a breath and gulps.

“Is he angry because I woke him up early today? He told me to get off him. I shouldn’t have woken him up. Now he is mad at me and left.” The fact that the kid is crying is clear as daylight.

Louis whimpers at that and Harry wraps his fingers around Louis’ wrist and tugs him away because this moment of weakness is going to be the death of the both of them.

Once outside though, Harry comes to a stop and lets him breath.

It takes Louis a few moments to get control of himself and when he does, he stands up straight and Harry can see the unshed tears sparkling in his eyes.

“You’ll get back here. Very soon. I promise, you will.” Harry whispers.

Louis only nods and tugs his hand away. Harry doesn’t get much time to feel the tightness in his chest before Louis is intertwining their fingers together.

“Come on.” He says in a broken voice, wiping his eyes with his other free hand. “Let’s go.”

They walk a few minutes before Louis gets curious, “Where are we going?”

“The field.” Harry answers casually.

“The field? Why the field-“ he doesn’t get to finish the sentence because they are at the field by then and he can see a black sedan parked at the side of it.

“I wasn’t playing fruit ninja at your time of need.” Harry provides as an explanation.

When they get close, driver side window rolls down and Harry only flashes his ID before the back doors are clicked open.

Once inside, Louis states, “I’m like 97% sure, you are a mafia.”

“Where to?” the driver asks and this time that question doesn’t make his throat close up. He smiles brightly at Louis and asks, “London?”

He gets a nod.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. chapter 4

The journey to London is tiring for obvious reasons. None of them got proper sleep last night and with the amount of adrenaline still rushing through their bodies, they don’t fall asleep in the car either.

Louis gets twitchy half way down the road.

“You alright?” Harry asks with concern in his voice because he doesn’t know what he will do if Louis has the inevitable break down right now.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” he tries to convince, but he is strangely quiet. After a minute, he huffs and says, “Do you have anything sweet? I think I need some sugar in me.”

The car comes with a complimentary pack and thankfully there are some biscuits in it. Louis finishes the whole packet and Harry notices how sometimes his hand shakes when he brings the snack to his lips. In those times, Harry reaches out to squeeze his shoulder, tells stupid knock-knock jokes and may be that doesn’t help all that much, but after almost two hours, Louis is his own self.

They are 5 minutes in London when Harry decides to ask, “So, where do we go now?”

Louis tears his eyes away from the window to look over at him and shrugs, “I don’t know. Where is the concert?”

Harry frowns. “The what?”

“The concert? The one you got me the tickets for? It’s today, right? 29th?”

“Oh.” Harry swallows and looks straight ahead in an attempt not to show Louis the blush that is creeping on his cheek at the thought of spending a couple more hours with Louis; in a concert no less.

“Why? Don’t you want to go?” Louis asks then and the uncertainty in his voice is contrasting for a boy who took only a couple of hours to decide to walk away from his family.

“No, no. It’s just..” Harry hesitates, dreads the answer, before he finally asks, “You want to take me with you? I thought you’d take Ryan.”

“Well, you are here. I am here and the concert is here. You do like The Fray, right?” after Harry nods, Louis adds, “And besides, you bought me the tickets anyway. So why not make the last few hours we have with each other a little exciting? Unless, of course you have something more important to do..” he trails off.

“Oh, no no.” Harry jumps in to assure. “I’m free.”

“Great.” Louis grins, “It’s settled then.”

“But, the concert’s at night though.” Harry says thoughtfully. “What do we do till then?”

“We celebrate,” Louis declares, clapping his hands together. “First, we eat because I’m starving. And then we walk around the city, pretending like we are seeing everything for the first time, like we don’t have a whole bunch of photos of big ben on our phones, like we didn’t live here for years.”

Harry can’t agree quick enough. There is a thrill, a pure blissful happiness thrumming through his blood stream at the thought of wondering around London with Louis. That is the one thing he wanted to do since he got to know this boy.

Seeing this city though someone else’s lenses, that’s all he wants.

Harry shakes his head and ruffles his fringe to feign nonchalance, because he hasn’t replied for too long and Louis is staring at him with interest now.

“But what are we celebrating though?”

“Well, my freedom of course!” Louis replies with such a huge smile, that Harry thinks he would jump off a skyscraper just to makes Louis smile like that again.

“Right then,” he says and he is sure the fond in his own eyes can be seen from outer space. “Let’s get started.”

So that’s exactly what they do for the rest of the day.

They dismiss the driver once they are in central London. Because Harry is greedy and selfish, so he wants the rest of the day to be of them- just the two of them.

Their day starts with greasy fast food which they eat sitting in the front seat of the car and Harry for once doesn’t care if the expensive upholstery of the rental car is getting dirty because Louis has the brightest smile on his face, eyes crinkling at the sides, grease from the food making his lips shiny and kissable as he recollects stories after stories from his school life while making wild hand gestures and nearly hitting Harry  in the face with the hamburger quite a few times. Harry wonders what will happen if he just leans forward and presses his own shiny lips to Louis’. But then he sees the bags sitting in the back seat through the rear view mirror and he remembers the real reason why they are here in the first place. So he focuses back on the story Louis is telling around his mouthful of food about how he once fed his dog chocolate and cried his eyes out when he got sick.

They go sight-seeing.

And Harry feels like he is breathing fresh air for the first time after being deprived of it for so many years. So he breathes. He breathes like he was drowning just a moment ago. But breathing is significantly easier when Louis is bouncing in his steps beside him.

They abandon the car in the parking lot of a shopping complex and walks around the town, hand in hand.

Harry wants to ask Louis what will happen if Ryan saw them like this somewhere, if he will misunderstand. But then, just as he is about to voice his concern, Louis is tugging on his hand and demanding Harry to get a semi-permanent tattoo with him.

So Harry gets his first tattoo.

A small script of ‘I can’t change’ on his left wrist. Louis teases him for being so thoughtful even for a temporary tattoo. Harry doesn’t tell him that he might get it permanent in the near future.

Louis gets a stick figure on a skateboard and Harry can’t even tease him because it is such a Louis thing to do.

Harry can’t recall the last time he had pizza for lunch, but he can remember the last time he had such fun just from eating a goddamn pizza.

But no matter how hard Harry wishes this day to stretch longer, for time to freeze; it still goes on. And soon, the bright sunlight deems and street lamps turn on.

Harry looks at his phone and it tells him it is 18 minutes past 6. He kind of hopes that Louis has forgotten. Because as much as Harry wants to see the complete ecstasy on Louis’ face when he sees his favourite band live, he thinks, this feeling - Louis warm hand in his own, his high-pitched sweet voice talking about anything and everything around them, the occasional whispers when he has some ‘conspiracy theory’ about a passer-by – this is better, a lot better.

But Harry also knows, he has to let go of the hand pretty soon; better sooner rather than later.

“We should go now. There will be traffic.” Harry says when they turn a corner of a new street.

Louis, Harry notices with a small smile, looks a little disappointed.

“What?” Harry pretends to tease, “Don’t tell me you like me more than The Fray now.” If only Louis could hear Harry’s heartbeat right now.

Louis snorts. “No way.” Harry can almost feel the dead weight of his heart sitting heavy in his chest. But it’s not like he wasn’t expecting that answer. “It’s just that, I lived here for more than 3 years and I never loved London this way before. You are a really good tour guide, is all. You know so many stuff about this city! ”

Harry looks down and mumbles, “It has been my favourite city since always.”

Louis hums in agreement, clearly distracted by something. When Harry looks up, he sees Louis looking through the glass window of a gift shop.

“Wait here.” Louis says ands goes inside the shop before Harry can ask any more questions.

When he comes back out a few minutes later he comes straight to Harry and says, “Here.” Harry notices then that Louis is holding two identical bracelets in his hand, one blue and the other one green.

“Read them!” Louis squeals while he hands them over to Harry.

There, on the bracelets, in silver font is written, _I met a stranger once, he was strange._ Harry flips the bracelet over and inside of the blue one is, _“I missed the train”_ and the green one has _“What’s a gelato?”_

“This one’s mine.” Louis snatches the green one away and starts walking away.

Harry stands there for a moment, dumbly looking down at the bracelet. And after an internal debate with himself, he puts it on. When he looks up, Louis is already very far from him.

The only problem is that he is walking in the wrong direction.

“Louis!” Harry calls and Louis jerks around to look at him. “This way.” He points his thumb over his shoulder towards the opposite way.

Louis practically skips towards him.

“Right, right.” He mumbles when he reaches near Harry. “I’m so excited that I’m dizzy with it.”

Once again, he grabs Harry’s hand in his and practically drags him over towards the shopping mall to pick up the car.

Even though Harry knows that this day is going to end very soon, he is absolutely certain that this will always be the best day of his life.

*

When they get out of the venue, it’s almost 11.

Louis is shivering, but Harry thinks it has nothing to do with the weather, but the surprise he got at the end of the show.

“You know them personally and you never thought to mention it?”

“I don’t know them.” Harry defends, “I just made a few call and arranged a meet ‘n greet, that’s all.”

“No, Harry. Meet ‘n greets are when you pay them to take a picture with you or sign you a CD. Not when you get to have drinks with them in their bus.”

“Like I said, I know a few people.” Harry stresses on the word ‘people’.

“Oh god,” when Harry looks over, Louis’ face is titled upwards and his palms are pressed against his eyes. So when he talks next, it’s a little muffled. “I can see it clearly. 10 years from now on a sunny morning a couple of cops will come to my door to take me in custody because they have pictures as evidence that hung out with mob king Harold in London.”

Harry barks out a laugh at that and puts his hands in his pocket. “Mob king, okay.”

“Why else would they agree to spend time with us on such a short notice?” Louis reasons and well, he has a point. If only Louis knew who Harry styles really is.

“It was worth it though.” Harry says with a smirk, “Got to see you fangirling?”

“I did no such thing!” Louis declares, indignant.

Harry snorts. “You squealed, hid behind my back and covered your face with the lapels of your jacket. Not to mention how couldn’t speak for whole 5 minutes at the start or the hopping dance you did when I mentioned that we might go to the backstage.”

“You know, I’ve decided that I don’t like you anymore.” And with that Louis picks up his speed to walk ahead towards the car.

They get in the car, Louis still excitedly talking about his dreams finally coming true and thanking Harry a thousand times over.

“So, where now?” Harry has to ask because he has no idea which way to drive.

“Airport.” Louis answers with a roll of his eyes as if Harry should’ve known this all along.

But for Harry everything stops. And suddenly he can’t think anymore. “Airport?” he clears his throat when it comes out squeaky. “Why the airport?”

Louis finally stops his rambling to look over at him. “Harry, do you listen at all when I talk to you?”

Well, he does. Only sometimes he tunes out.

But before Harry can get one word in, Louis is speaking again. “How else can I go to New York Harry? Swimming across the Atlantic? Well, I’ll pass, thanks. I hear there are sharks.”

“Wait, New York? Why New York?”

Louis is looking at him with amused gaze, one eyebrow raised up. “Because,” he starts very slowly, like Harry is a learning toddler, “That’s where Ryan lives.”

Harry presses the accelerator a little too hard, nearly hitting the car in front of him. “Ryan lives in New York.” He mutters to himself. And when the realisation finally hits him, his eyes go wide. “Oh, god!” Louis puts his hand on the wheel when Harry almost lets go.

“Hey, hey now. Whatever brainstorm you are having, can it wait? I really don’t fancy dying after all the effort.”

“I am essentially helping you to escape the country.” Harry finally states.

“You make it sound like I am a terrorist.” Louis accuses.

He is losing. Yet again, he is losing. It’s not like Harry was expecting to win Louis’ heart with concert tickets or back stage hang-out. He has been mentally preparing himself to let go of Louis for a long time now; a rational part of his brain always reminding him that soon, he will see the boy for the last time.

But a hopeful part of his brain imagined a future where they at the very least stay friends. In the sub-conscious he always thought that he would get to spend more Christmas eves with him, celebrating his birthday.

But New York.

New York is far - far enough to make Louis forget about his existence.

Far enough to make this moments literally his last moments with Louis.

And just because he is a masochist, Harry asks, “Tell me about him.” Louis furrows his eyebrows that cute way he does. So Harry shrugs. “Well, if I am helping you this much to get to him, I should know a little bit about him, right?”

That sets Louis off to another rant. Apparently Ryan is the best person he ever met, the dream boyfriend anyone could ask for. He works in his father’s law firm.  But wishes to open his own someday. He lives in a massive apartment on his own, but says it only feels like home when Louis is there with him.

But the moment Louis starts talking about Ryan’s deep blue eyes and posh accents, Harry stops listening all together. The only thought in his mind is how another great thing in his life is coming to an end. The voice in his head is loud again. _how many times before you quit?_

It feels like seconds pass before they are at the airport.

It’s busy as always and they rush in with the crowd.

“My flight is in an hour.” Louis informs once he has checked with the schedule in the airport.

“You should check-in then.” _You should go before I break apart in front of your eyes._

Harry walks with Louis until he can’t anymore. He is not a passenger after all. He expects Louis to go ahead without him, maybe with a small wave and goodbye. But instead Louis turns around and hugs him. It’s so unexpected that Harry is almost knocked over by it. But within a second he hugs back. When Louis lets go, his hair is messed up a little. If anything, Harry is endeared. But what Louis says next almost knocks the breath out of him.

“Look, I’m sure whoever she was, was a wonderful person and I really hope wherever they are now, they are happy. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to live your life to the fullest.” Louis puts a hand on Harry’s forearm before adding softly, “If they are not coming back, don’t wait for them.”

“Thank you.” Harry puts his hands in pockets and looks down. “That means really a lot to me.”

“No, no. Don't get modest. I'm serious!” when harry looks up, Louis has his hands on his hips then. “I mean look at you!” his eyes trails over the length of Harry’s body, checking him out on purpose and Harry feels hot under the gaze of those blue eyes. “You are gorgeous and as far as I can tell a nice person. Not to mention on top of that you are rich as fuck. You could charm the pants off anyone!”

“Well, I couldn't charm you now, could I?” The moment the words are out of his mouth, he knows he shouldn't have said them out loud.

But Louis seems unfazed. His face is serious when he says, “Honestly though, between you and me? If I didn't have Ryan already, we would've been on our 10th date by now.”

“I'm flattered.”

“As you should be.” Louis says with a cheeky smile. “But, just keep my words in mind, yeah? You are important. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Not even yourself.” When he smiles at Harry, it’s all soft with eyes crinkling at the corners. “Let someone in. Life is much more fun and easy if you have someone to share it with.”

What has Harry ever done to deserve this? To meet the most brilliant person, only to let him go? To help him get away to be with someone else? What kind of mockery is this? Why does the universe hate him?

“I'll consider it.”

“Thank you, you know. For everything you've done.” Harry opens his mouth to protest, but Louis cuts him off. “No, Harry. If you weren't with me, I would've been in a mess right now. So, thank you. Everything that happens in my life, whatever I achieve, however happy I am in the future, just know, that it’s all been possible because of you. And for that, I'll always be grateful to you.”

It’s a lot to take in; to be responsible for someone’s lifelong happiness. But Harry will take it.

When the announcement for Louis’ flight comes on and Louis turns to leave, Harry says, “Just, promise me one thing.” That makes Louis halt and turn around.

“Anything.”

“Promise me you'll come back. No matter what happens from here, if they ever forgive you or not, please give them a chance. Promise me the last time you hear your mom's voice is not going to be her pleading to someone to 'please bring her baby back'?”

That takes away the smile from his face. He hangs his head and lets out a slow breath. But just as Harry is thinking that he has ruined the happy moment entirely, Louis looks up. And his eyes are sparkling.

“I promise.”

There is a decent amount of space between them now and people are passing through them. But Harry can’t resist the temptation. He crosses the small gap and engulfs Louis in a tight hug.

“Have a great life Louis, you deserve it.” He tries to keep the tremors out of his voice.

“You too, Haz.” The nickname sparks something in Harry- a mixture of hope, remorse and love.

He is in love with Louis Tomlinson. And he couldn’t have chosen a worse time to realise this.

Because, with every moment, he is losing him. It’s almost like missing a train. He is running for it, but even he knows that he will never catch it; knows that at the end of the platform he'll have to stop and watch it speed away from him.

He presses a tender kiss on Louis' hair. Even if he can't have Louis in real life, at least he can have this- he will lock away the smell of Louis' hair, the softness of the strands against his lips, he will remember the way Louis pushes his nose on his collarbone and the feeling of his small hands fisting the back of his coat.

He will always remember the way his heart seizes up when Louis finally pulls away from the hug.

He won't remember the soft 'bye, Harry' Louis offers at the end because he is too engrossed in memorising every single details of that very moment.

But he will always remember the way Louis walks away with bags over his shoulder and finally gets mixed in the crowd; his figure becoming only a heavy illusion in Harry's vision.

It's only when Harry is getting in the car, he realises that he has no way of contacting Louis. In the last few days they have spent so much time together, but never actually got down to exchanging numbers.

With a heavy heart Harry realises, Louis Tomlinson is truly and literally out of his life forever.

On New Year's Eve when London sky lights up with fireworks, Harry wishes, unlike him, Louis has someone to kiss at midnight.

And with every broken piece of his heart, he wishes, wherever Louis is, he is happy.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that it took so long. i've been a little busy. if you see any mistake feel free to inform me.  
> anyways thanks for the encouraging messages . but i've changed my [tumblr](http://harrylouisandbabies.tumblr.com). that's why my old blog had been inactive for so long. so come say hi!!


	5. Chapter 5

Life goes on. Of course it does. But Harry’s life goes through some drastic changes.

On 2nd January, when he walks into his office building for the first time in a brand new year, he has springs under his feet.

Clara, the receptionist does a double take with wide eyes when he passes her with a cheerful, “Good morning!”

Liam almost chokes on his water when Harry pats his back with a jovial “Happy New Year, you!” and niall just gapes. Probably because he hasn’t ever heard Harry say so many words in a single day, let alone in a single morning.

His footsteps have never echoed so loud in those hallways before. It’s like a new-found confidence, like he has finally found his grounding. For the very first time, it’s not hard to hold his head high. It’s so refreshing to feel worthy when someone says, “Good morning, Mr. Styles”; instead of cringing inside.

He feels like, this time he can do it. This time he won’t mess it all up.

He doesn’t need cold showers in the morning to numb him or alcohol in the night to fall asleep anymore.

When he finally opens his eyes to his surroundings, he realises, he is not actually as lonely as he thought to be in the first place. He has an office full of people who look up at him; they are the people who he spends most time of his days with. They can be his family.

So Liam becomes less of an employee but more of a best friend and Niall becomes his beloved little brother. All though he complains, “You do realise that I’m older than you right?”

“But Ni…” Harry whines “You look so cute all red faced and grumpy when they get your pizza topping wrong.” And simply smacks a kiss on his puffy cheek. “Besides, I always wanted a baby brother.”

Sure they don’t know his past or anything that made Harry into the person he is today. But at least they are there when he needs someone to rely on. That’s more than he had in his life; that’s more than he thought he’ll ever get to have again.

With time, his office becomes his home and the people there become his friends. Their lunch hour becomes the best time of the day for everyone. Because in those 60 minutes there is no barrier between employers and employees. They all gather in the biggest hall of the building and chat away sharing stories about their family, grandchildren, dates, hardship of learning Spanish, cursing Brittish weather and every possible topic someone can think of.

But every day, Harry sings.

The first time it happens, niall is just being a bully; demanding that Harry has to sing or he won’t let him get back to work. Harry sings ‘Kiss Me’ by Ed Sheeran and by the time he is done, everyone is staring at him with open mouths. He is sure he saw a few of them drooling.

And once they discover that their boss has a ‘voice of an angel’ (Niall’s word), they always request a song every day at the end of the lunch hour.

It’s hard at first. It has been so long since he last performed in front of such a large crowd. But with every single day, his hesitation goes away. And eventually, they kind of become a band with niall on guitar and liam on drums. Harry didn’t know before that singing could be such a soothing thing.

+

Louis comes back to his life in flashes. Sometimes Harry sees him in a dream that he doesn't remember when he wakes up, only those bright blue eyes and bright smile stays in the forefront of his mind like a fading image. On days when Harry returns home late, exhausted from the day's work, his tired mind easily imagines Louis sitting there at the dining table, waiting for him with a soft smile and a 'welcome', along with his day's story. The streets of london reminds him of the soft press of Louis' palm against his as they explored the city all over again with each other. The first snow of the season brings back the memories of a frozen lake and 'That’s what memories are for Harry, they don’t just give pain, sometimes they remind you of how great life can be. '.

London in itself reminds him of the bright boy, despite only spending one day in the city with him.

Sometimes, the ghost of his past come back to haunt him at odd hours, but he can successfully push them at the back of his mind now. All he needs to do is, close his eyes and imagine Louis’ hand in his, holding on, through everything.

+

Before he knows it, it’s 20th December again. But this time he wakes up with a brilliant idea.

He drives to the office, still in his night clothes and rushes in the conference room where liam and niall are just starting to get to work.

“Um..” Liam starts when he sees Harry standing there in teddy bear pajamas, “Did you need something?”

“No, no. I mean yes. I have an idea for our new project.”

Niall’s face is bright red, like he is holding in his laughter and Harry can’t even blame him. He must be such a sight with his pajama just above his ankles and his worn out Ramones shirt.

“You can laugh.” Harry barely has time to tack on an eye roll before the booming noise of niall’s glee is filling the room. “As much as I love being the object of your amusement, I am actually here to share my idea.”

“And what would that be?” liam, bless him, finally prompts when niall shows no sign to stop anytime soon.

“I want to launch a telecommunication system.”

The room falls silent and Harry is internally backing away already, but Louis’ words come back to him, ‘you deserve to be happy.’

This is what will make him happy. Finally having something of his very own.

“That’s your brilliant idea?” liam deadpans.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Haz, there is a hell lot of telecommunication service out there. People don’t need another one.”

“Yes, but this one will be unique. It will be especially for the uni students, you know. Who can’t afford expensive monthly packs but still like to talk a lot.”

“So, it will be cheap?” niall adds.

“That’s one way to put it. Yeah, it will be affordable for lots of people. I think it’s a good idea. Don’t you?”

Liam still looks a bit skeptical, but finally he nods and says, “Ok, let me talk to others and see what I can do.”

“Please try to convince them, please?” Harry pleads, putting his hands on liam's shoulders. “I already have the name picked up and everything.”

“You got the idea this morning and already have a name?” niall asks with a frown, “Did you have a dream last night or something like that?”

_I don’t have to dream, he never leaves my mind in the first place._

“If you are done mocking me niall, would you do me the honor of assisting liam with the meetings?”

Niall just shrugs and starts composing e-mails on his laptop.

“So,” liam wonders out loud, “What’s the name then?”

“LT.”

+

Time speeds by after that. With the frenzy of meetings, phone calls, e-mails, too-late work hours, he doesn't even get time to breathe.

But that's okay, because all of it is worthy when the service actually launches and gets much bigger success than Harry anticipated within the first two months.

There are congratulations from his colleagues, partnership offers from the biggest business tycoons of the world, articles in the paper, interviews on the news channel. To say Harry is overwhelmed, is the understatement of the century. He never anticipated this. His father couldn't ever achieve so much in the 35 years he's been here. Within months, Styles Corporation  is the topic of discussion everywhere and Harry styles is in spotlight. He never really got used to paparazzi before, simply because they never were his problem. Other than just a few posed pictures in the official events, they never really bothered him. But now, wherever he goes, cameras go off on his face, flashes blind him and sometimes he has to pinch himself to believe that this is really his life.

There is that one question they all want to ask, “So is there a special someone?”

And every time, Harry feels a uncertainty in his gut. Should he tell the truth? Would Louis mind, if Harry admits that most of his inspiration came from the stranger he met on the train?

But he chickens out every time; politely deflects the topic and brings the focus back on his professional life.

Days turns into months, his twitter followers reach 20 million and on 1st april, liam saunters into his office with a bright smile, puffed chest and reads aloud from the newspaper in his hand, 'Harry styles: most successful business personnel of the year in Europe.'

Harry thinks it’s a joke, being 1st April and all. But a quick once over at the paper reveals that it is in fact the truth.

Harry thinks he is going to pass out.

And finally he feels like he has a purpose. There is a reason he wakes up at morning now; he knows he has a list of agenda to do, knows there will be more heart eyes from liam about Sophia, knows niall will be there with more teasing.

Louis’ words play in his mind from time to time. Let someone in. life is better when you have someone to share it with.

But he can’t bring himself to do that just yet. He reasons, he has been in a relationship for so long, he needs some time for himself. So every time liam offers a boys night out with a 'friend of mine', he declines ; offers a small smile and a simple “I’m alright.”

He knows liam worries about him. But then again, if he wants to fall in love with himself before he expects someone else to fall in love with him, no one can judge him. No one has a right to.

He should've known his house of cards will fall though. He should’ve known. Because nothing good lasts in his life for long; should’ve expected the storm after the quiet.

+

 


End file.
